#adding him was such a good idea because he brings so much to the band

[sansaorgana]

— DECEPTION (X – SAURON)

DECEPTION MASTERLIST ALTERNATIVE ENDING (ADAR)

PAIRING — Sauron x fem!Elf!Reader // Adar x fem!Elf!Reader

SUMMARY — You already made your decision to remain by Adar's side but your former lover has different plans.

AUTHOR’S NOTE — First of all, thank you so much for your comments under every part and your support because this fic (and this fandom) was what brought back my joy for writing! 😊 I am aware most of you wants to see The Reader from this fic with Adar but I still wanted to let you make a choice and I had an idea for this storyline either way, so... 🤷🏻‍♀️ The very cold line Some are born for sacrifice is taken from another fantasy TV show – The Shannara Chronicles. 😅 I loved while watching the show and I remembered about it while writing this story. I think it suits. 🤐 This part is more canon-like than the alternative ending where The Reader chooses Adar tbh.

WARNINGS — forced/arranged marriage, Reader is NOT a good person – she is proud, greedy, fake and corrupted by Sauron, "love" triangle situationship, YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENS 💀

WORD COUNT — 4,930

ENGLISH IS MY SECOND LANGUAGE.

DECEPTION (X – SAURON)

You spent the rest of the day and half of the night inside the forest, in your new favourite place, feeling uneasy. Alone, just in case Sauron wanted to reach out to you again. But he was not making such attempts and it was making you anxious more than ever. His wrath was something you did not want to experience yourself and you knew very well that you had earned it.

Nervously fidgeting with the wedding band around your finger, you were sitting there by the fallen tree and listening to the sounds of the battle taking place nearby. Once more, you felt like sneaking back into the camp, stealing your own horse and running away to some place where no one knew you. But you knew you could not. You had to face the consequences of your actions.

Eventually, you took a deep breath in and decided to find Adar. You needed him close to feel safe and secure again because your anxiety was growing bigger and bigger with each given moment.

You found him near your shared tent, surrounded by the Orcs, small fires to light the path and all the war machines that made you realise how truly close you were to the battle indeed and how serious the situation was.

As you were approaching Adar from one side, you spotted Glûg walking up to him from the opposite one, with some of his friends standing behind as if they were waiting for him to speak to their Lord Father in the name of them all.

“Lord Father,” Glûg started just when you stood next to your husband and wrapped your trembling hands around his arm, happy that he was still there; that Sauron’s rage had not taken him away from you just yet. “The wall is stronger than we thought,” Glûg continued with his head slightly bowed down. “We may not breach it before morning. The Elf is faring better than you expected,” he added. “His troops have already destroyed five of our trebuchets. Many Uruk are dying,” he emphasised, his voice filled with pain and fear. “What are your orders, Lord Father? Shall we sound retreat?”

“No,” Adar’s answer was quick, nearly harsh. It caused a shiver to go down your spine as you watched with interest the conversation between him and his son. “Sauron must not escape,” Adar stated and turned around in your direction, putting his arm around your back to walk you inside the tent. “Bring down that wall. At any cost,” he added.

“Adar!” Glûg exclaimed and you exchanged a meaningful look with your husband. There was desperation but also a hint of disappointment mixed with anger in the Orc’s voice. You both froze and turned around to face him once more. “You told us… You loved us,” Glûg reminded his father in the Black Speech and your heart clenched inside your chest at his words that you could understand perfectly well now.

“With all that is left of my heart,” Adar answered with pain but also determination in his voice. Too much to let you become Sauron’s slaves.”

There was no answer from Glûg or any of the Orcs, so Adar left your side and went inside the tent. You hesitated at the sight of their faces, though. Their expressions did not mean anything good but you had no idea how you could fix it.

Either way, it was an argument between the Orcs and their Lord Father. You were not a side in this conflict. Therefore, you turned around and followed your husband inside the tent.

When you looked around, you spotted that he was angry and crouching down next to a few dead bodies of the Orcs. Lady Galadriel was not around.

“She’s still in the camp. Find her!” He barked at a few Orcs coming inside after you and they nodded before running out.

“What happened?” You asked.

“She escaped,” Adar stood up and showed you a small Elven key Galadriel had to use to get out of her shackles. Suddenly, you realised what Herald Elrond had done while kissing her. He had managed to distract everyone from the fact he had handed her his brooch with a hidden item inside.

“Smart,” you admitted and tilted your head but Adar was not impressed.

“You were supposed to watch over her,” he reminded you, harshly.

“Me?” You were surprised at his words. “I know that you are nervous because the battle is not going the way you planned and I agree with Glûg that we should retreat and go back home but that is no reason for you to take it out on me,” you drawled out through your gritted teeth.

Adar did not say anything to that as he gave you a scolding look and left the tent in a hurry, leaving you speechless. However, not even a minute passed and he was back.

“Forgive me,” he said and extended his hand towards yours. “I might die today and I do not want to leave this world knowing that the very last thing we did was to argue,” he admitted and you sighed, approaching him.

You ignored his extended hand because you threw your arms around his neck instead and you hugged him tight before taking a small step back and cupping his face in your hands.

“Do not say such things, please,” you pleaded and cracked a nervous smile before joining your lips together to kiss him softly before you eventually let him go to join his children.

The battle was getting worse and more ferocious but you remained inside your tent, nervously patting the surface of the wooden table with your fingers. Then, suddenly, angry Glûg entered the tent without even announcing himself. You turned around, surprised and raised an eyebrow at him.

“My Lady,” he bowed his head very slightly, nearly lazily, which was quite uncommon for him.

“What is it, dear?” You tried to be more lighthearted.

“I come to you because Adar remains deaf to my pleas,” Glûg sighed, still standing near the entrance of the tent as if he was scared of approaching you.

“What pleas, Glûg? He will not agree to go back home. Believe me, I’ve tried,” you rolled your eyes slightly and Glûg squinted his small eyes at you.

“That I know, my Lady,” he nodded. “He has just ordered to send the troll in.”

“And what about it?” You inquired. “Have we not brought that filthy creature here to use him in battle?”

“He is killing our own kind!” Glûg tried to protest and you pursed your lips after realising how delicate the situation was indeed.

“I understand,” you nodded and stood up finally to approach him. “However, you must trust your Lord Father’s orders. Some battles require smaller losses to win the big thing in the end. I have lost a lot myself. I have lost things you have no idea of, Glûg,” you only said and he growled but then he looked down at your scolding expression. “We all have a part to play,” you added. “Some are born for sacrifice.”

Glûg looked up at your face as if he was scared of you. Perhaps he was but you were not given more time with him because he left the tent in a hurry. You sighed and went back on the chair. Everything was a mess and you just wanted the battle to be over. The worst thing was the uncertainty.

When the dawn came, you could no longer stay in one place. You left the tent and went deeper into the forest to hide between the tall trees. But instead of going straight to your favourite place, you took a small detour, trying to calm down your pounding heart and your shaky breath.

Your mind was plagued with all the things you could have done differently. You could have told Adar back in Mordor that Halbrand was Sauron. You could have slaughtered him yourself with Morgoth’s crown. You had known then, after all, where Adar was keeping it. You could have discouraged your husband instead of encouraging him when it came to the matter of attacking Eregion.

So many things you could have done differently but you had been blinded by Sauron and his empty promises.

You reached the cliff and there you could witness the true image of what you had caused – burning Eregion, one of the most beautiful Elven cities… now fallen. Your eyes welled with tears but could you really blame yourself? It was all him – Sauron.

“I have promised you, have I not?” His voice filled your head that very moment. You turned around but no one was there as your heart skipped a beat. His voice was overlooming and malicious – he was angry with you and you could feel it despite the physical distance.

“Promised me what?” You asked, angrily.

“I have promised I would destroy them all. All the beautiful Elven cities you felt so small compared to. Mithlond, Eregion… I have promised that you would watch them burn,” Sauron reminded you.

“You have promised me I would watch them burn with a crown upon my head,” you gritted your teeth.

“And you promised me you would bring me the very crown and put it onto my head. Back in Mordor, when I was your prisoner. How sweet you were to me then,” Sauron answered, his voice filled with sinister irony.

“Leave me,” you shook your head and shut your eyes close, letting the warm tears stream down your cheeks.

“You have outdone yourself, I must admit, my love. You might have earned my forgiveness with the army you brought me,” he whispered before leaving your mind as you had requested.

You took a deep breath in and opened your eyes rapidly.

Adar.

You had to find him. You had to find him now.

You gathered your skirts and ran back inside the forest, through the trees and the hidden paths you were able to see perfectly well because of your Elven heritage. Your ancestors had been running through forests like this one – maybe even the same woods. It was in your blood to be able to swiftly move through the trees.

In no time you found yourself in your favourite spot by the fallen tree where the sunlight was creeping in. And as you circled around, wondering where to go, you overheard glimpses of conversations. You immediately recognised your husband’s voice but also… Lady Galadriel’s?

With a furrowed brow, you followed the voices and found yourself approaching a small forest clearing with a stone circle, which had most likely been made by your kin back in the First Age. In the very centre of it stood the biggest stone and Morgoth’s crown was placed upon it.

Your husband was approaching Lady Galadriel and handing her back a Ring – you assumed he had managed to get the one forged by Lord Celebrimbor for her. And the power of this item you could feel even there, hidden between the trees. It was vibrating with pure light and chiming with a beautiful, Elven song.

And Adar’s face was different. It was… Healed. You gasped and took a step ahead but when he turned his face back at you, you could see the scars appearing once more because the Ring was now back on Lady Galadriel’s finger.

“We must go,” you swallowed the lump in your throat as you approached them. “We must go back home. Please,” you grabbed him by his sleeve. “I beg of you,” you added, not caring much about your pride anymore. You didn’t even mind Lady Galadriel’s curious gaze.

“On the contrary,” Adar smiled softly and caressed your cheek. “We have just made ourselves a deal with the Elves” he told you and you furrowed your brows before laying your eyes on Galadriel. She smiled nervously at you. “Together, we might destroy Sauron.”

Hope bloomed deep inside of you once more at his words. You cracked a smile at Galadriel, too.

“Thank you,” you breathed out to her.

But despite all of that, you had a feeling that something was not right. It was too easy. Sauron would never let it happen and he would surely predict it.

“We shall create a lasting peace in Middle-earth,” Adar added and you squeezed his arm tighter, lovingly. “Now and forever.”

You knew that deep down that was all he had ever wanted – for his children to have their own land and live there peacefully as he would watch over them. And you would, too. By his side. You smiled to yourself.

Your small moment of blissfulness was interrupted by a few Orcs carrying Glûg on the stretchers. His face was wincing out of pain and he seemed to be hurt. Adar left your side immediately and you stood there with Galadriel while you observed.

“What happened?” Adar kneeled down to check on his son.

“We found Sauron, Lord Father,” one of the Orcs explained and you moved uncomfortably at that mention. “He tried to make Glûg betray you, but he resisted. So, Sauron did this. The others are pursuing him now.”

“Forgive me, child,” Adar whispered to Glûg.

You wanted to go to him, too but you tilted your head instead when you realised that the rest of the Orcs were not kneeling by their dying brother’s side. No, they were keeping a fair distance as they formed a circle around Adar and Glûg, with their hands close to the hilts of their weapons.

“Adar…” You called his name. “My love, can you come back to me?” You reached out to him with your hand carefully as it trembled.

But he did not listen to you because, at that moment, his son’s pain was his priority.

“It’s too late…” Glûg groaned.

“It’s never too late,” Adar insisted. “Not even for me. And not for you, my son.”

“Adar…!” You insisted but you were ignored once more and tears filled your eyes. You even took a small step closer even though at that moment, you were not sure anymore if you could keep trusting the Orcs.

“It’s too late…” Glûg whimpered as if he was dying and a short moment after you watched in terror how he pierced Adar’s side with his blade.

You shouted and reached for your sword without thinking twice about whether your abilities were enough or not to fight them but when you were about to charge at the Orcs attacking your husband and him not even trying to defend himself… you were stopped.

A hand on your shoulder.

You looked around and saw Sauron’s face so close to yours that you gasped. He had a new form once again but this time it did not differ so much from the previous one. He was a blond Elf now, radiating light and wisdom. A blasphemous image, surely.

His eyes in that moment were nothing but two dark abysses as he was looking you up and down with pure hatred and curiosity.

“Let go of her!” Lady Galadriel ordered and you nearly chuckled at how naive she could be.

“She is exactly where she is supposed to be. By my side,” Sauron smirked and you turned your head around once more to glance at your husband.

Adar was laying on the ground now but he was still alive enough to see. You tried to get free from Sauron’s grasp and he surprisingly allowed it.

There was no point of fighting the Orcs now – there were too many of them. And perhaps some part of you wished for them to do to your body the same thing they had done to your husband. So, you tossed aside Morgoth’s sword because it would only slow you down and you hurried to Adar’s side as you kneeled by him and sobbed.

“Please, stop!” You begged the Orcs but they ignored you. Yet, their blades made sure to not even scratch you as they were piercing through Adar. “Please…” You begged and begged as Adar laid his blue eyes filled with sadness on your face. “My love, please, forgive me… Please…” You caressed his cheeks and his hair as your tears were falling down upon his face. “You can’t die thinking I did not love you. I am so sorry… So, so sorry…”

Sauron approached you all, which caused the Orcs to retreat. You noticed he was holding Morgoth’s crown now in his hand. They were standing in a circle above you and you were kneeling down, holding Adar’s dying body, sobbing and looking up at your corrupted lover.

“Please…” You whispered. “I love him,” you told Sauron.

But Sauron did not react. He only watched with a twisted satisfaction and you squeezed Adar’s cold hand. You felt his fingers trying to squeeze back yours, which only made you sob even more.

“My… children…” He looked at you as he breathed out in the Black Speech.

“They are not children anymore,” Sauron informed him and you shot him a deadly glance. Glûg was standing right next to him and your pain mixed with anger at the thought that it was him out of them all who had betrayed your husband.

“I forgive you,” Adar told you in the Quenya language now and your heart skipped a beat. “I love you.”

You were too heartbroken to say anything to that but you knew that he knew how much you loved him, too. And you knew he understood why you had done all those things – he understood what it meant to be under Sauron’s spell.

Sauron put his hand upon your shoulder and moved you away slightly to make more space for Glûg to finish Adar off with one final stroke as he yelled and you sobbed.

When the fallen Elves die, where do they go?

“What orders, Lord Sauron?” Glûg asked Sauron as all the Orcs bowed down. The very moment their Lord Father let out his last breath.

Crying silent tears, nothing but hatred grew and grew inside of your heart for them now. They were just like everyone had been saying – vile and cruel. They did not know anything about love or loyalty.

They did not deserve Adar.

You did not deserve Adar.

“Raze Eregion,” Sauron ordered but you couldn't care less about anything else now. All that mattered was your husband, laying there dead. You were still squeezing his hand. “Leave no Elf alive but bring me their leaders.”

“Hail Sauron! Hail the new Dark Lord!” Glûg shouted in the Black Speech and the rest followed, screaming it over and over.

In the meantime, you caressed Adar’s face and wiped the black blood streaming down his chin from the corner of his mouth with your thumb. You fixed his hair delicately and closed his eyelids and it nearly looked like he was asleep.

The Orcs finally ran away, passing you by. Sauron kept staring at you with contempt and you looked up with hatred.

“I will be back,” he smirked and walked away to join Lady Galadriel since the business between them was surely not over yet. You watched with gritted teeth how he picked up your sword and claimed it as his.

And, once more, you found yourself not caring. Because it did not matter, after all. Nothing mattered and you felt nothing, too. You were empty.

Sauron and Galadriel began their duel but you did not watch. She hurried away into the forest and Sauron followed her and now all you could hear was the sound of clinking metal.

“Sleep, my dear,” you whispered as you looked down at Adar’s peaceful face and caressed his hair. “Sleep, you deserve it,” you added with a trembling voice.

Your hands went lower to his own because you wanted to take the wedding ring off of his finger to keep it. You did so and then you reached with your fingers inside his sleeve and you sobbed more after finding there the leaves of the holy trees you had married under.

“Oh, Adar…” You lowered yourself to press your forehead to his. “Thank you for everything.”

He was the very first who had shown you love and given you power. You missed him already – his soft smiles at you, the brushes of his fingertips upon your cheeks, his rough voice, his usual calmness, his wisdom. His respect towards you and how safe he was able to make you feel. That you just knew he would never harm you – his wife.

You did not know how much time had passed but you were sitting there without moving an inch, holding Adar’s body close and feeling how his body was slowly getting colder and colder.

Familiar footsteps brought you back to reality. Sauron, wielding your sword in one hand and Morgoth’s crown in another with Galadriel’s blood dripping down from its iron spikes as you looked up to see his angry face.

“She refused you once more,” you pointed out, bitterly. “So you’re back to me. What would you do if she said yes? Would I join my husband in death then?” You asked, calling Adar your husband to spite him.

“She said no and I am here,” Sauron clenched his jaw. “What would you do if he was alive?” He asked and your expression changed because, sadly, he had a point.

He had betrayed you but you had betrayed him, too. It was only fair. But just like you had feared his wrath – perhaps he should fear yours, too. That would be fair as well.

“He is dead and I am here,” you caressed Adar’s cheek one last time and stood up to be on Sauron’s level. “Give me back my sword,” you reached out with your hand but there was no reaction from him. “It was not a plea. The sword is mine, so is Mordor and so is the army. I have earned them,” you stated, harshly and Sauron let out a contemptuous laugh. “The Lady of Light did not follow you and you were a fool for thinking she would even consider it,” you added and Sauron’s laughter stopped in an instant as he shot you a deadly glance.

He could not threaten you with death, though, because it would only mean a reunion with Adar, therefore you did not fear it anymore.

“Only I am rotten enough to follow you, Sauron,” you pointed out, bitterly. “Perhaps all of this had to happen for us to finally realise that we are cursed with one another,” you continued and walked past Adar’s body to get your sword from Sauron’s hands yourself. He allowed you to but he kept watching you closely. “We are doomed to walk side by side, my love,” you whispered but your words were malicious.

You looked deep into his scary eyes although you were sure yours were just as terrifying at that moment. And when you were getting the sword from him, your hands joined together for a moment as you two froze like that.

You hated and despised him. He had betrayed you. And yet, it was true that you had to be doomed to be with him because, still, you felt attracted to him. Still, you would follow him wherever he would go now.

You had nowhere else to go anyway.

“I rue the day I met you,” you told him in Black Speech, “shadow of Morgoth.”

Those words visibly angered him as he tilted his head with a smirk.

“If I am nothing but his shadow, what does that make you? You are merely made in the image of me,” Sauron remarked.

“No, I am my own self. My own person. My own soul with my own desires,” you raised your head high. “If I am to follow you, it will be on different terms this time. It will be as your equal,” you insisted.

“What use are you to me except for warming my bed?” Sauron grabbed you by your chin as he brought your face closer and his hot breath fanned over your skin.

“What use are you to me except for warming mine?” You answered, calmly.

Your spat was interrupted by Glûg himself who ran up to you with one of his friends. At the sight of him, Sauron let go of your chin and you both turned around to face the Orcs.

“We are overwhelmed, Lord Sauron!” Glûg exclaimed after approaching you two and you kept staring at him with nothing but pure hatred and disgust. Like he deserved to be treated after everything he had done. “The Dwarves are securing the Elves’ retreat,” he shook his head, nervously.

Sauron said nothing and kept staring at the Orc with a puzzled expression, surprised that he even dared to file such a complaint. Glûg laid his small and pleading eyes on you as he bowed down.

“If we pursue, many Uruks will die, Lady Mother,” he addressed you and his words caused your jaw to clench as blood boiled in your veins.

“Do not call me that,” you scolded him, harshly, as you glanced briefly at your husband’s dead body before looking back at the Orc. “I have no love for you,” you told him and Glûg’s eyes widened. “You have betrayed the only person who was able to love your filthy kin,” you added and you made your point very clear to the rest by piercing your sword right through him.

And what a satisfaction it brought you to watch him choke on it when it was him who had betrayed your husband the most. You twisted the blade and retreated it as Glûg fell down on the ground and curled up to die.

“What are you staring at?” You barked at his shocked and terrified friend. “Go back and fight!” You ordered and he ran away.

Short silence occurred between you and Sauron. When you finally broke it by sighing and turning around to walk away slightly, you felt his hands on your wrists, pulling you closer once more. His face was right in front of yours but this time there was no threat in them and they were no black abysses anymore but a beautiful shade of green.

However, you moved away.

“I want to give my husband a proper burial,” you crouched down next to Adar’s body. “Then I can go with you.”

You formed the funeral pyre yourself in that favourite spot of yours by the fallen tree. It took you a whole day since you were carefully choosing the best branches to do so. And it was you without anyone’s help moving Adar’s body on top of it. When you were able to finally light the fire, it was dark already but you knew he would prefer it this way.

You hesitated while carrying the torch because you knew that burning him was a definite act. He would be no more. Not even his flesh.

Yet, you couldn’t leave him behind to rot.

“In flames he returns to darkness,” you whispered in the Black Speech and lit the pyre before taking a step back and watching it burn.

You were so cried out that only one single tear streamed down your cheek and you did not even bother to wipe it.

A quiet sound of the footsteps made you realise that Sauron joined you but you did not look back. You knew he made that slight noise with the purpose of letting you know he was there, so you ignored him purposefully, too.

“You, Elves, you marry once in a lifetime, do you not?” He stood right behind you and you sighed at the irony in his voice.

“We do,” you nodded as you played nervously with the contents of your pocket – two wedding rings and the leaves of the holy trees. “But in the eyes of the Valar, we are married. You and I,” you turned your head around to look at his devilishly handsome face being lit by the light from the dancing flames. “I have given myself to you out of my own free will and during our first night together I became your wife,” you reminded him, bitterly. “You have many brides, though, am I right, Lord Sauron?”

He did not answer as he kept staring at the flames but he put his hands on your shoulders and pulled you a bit closer to him.

“None of them as terrific as you,” he confessed with a hint of admiration and leaned in to place a kiss upon your temple.

His words were like venom – treacherous and infectious. You liked to think that you were immune now to him and his craft but perhaps you had overestimated your own self.

You turned your head around and your noses brushed softly as you gave in and opened your lips to welcome his hungry kiss.

“My Dark Lady of Mordor,” he whispered between the kisses. “Commander of my Army. My Queen.”

His Queen. Everything you had once wanted and now you had it.

But what a price you had to pay for it.

What a price indeed… To find out that you had a heart hidden in there despite it all – only for it to die and rot shortly after.

And whatever was left of it, Sauron had a tight hold on it.

“Your Queen,” you cracked a sad smile and let go of the wedding rings and the leaves inside your pocket to raise your hand and caress his smooth cheek. “Your malediction.”

AUTHOR’S NOTE 2.0 — Hi, it's me again! 👋🏻 If you are here for angst, then I think reading Adar's ending might make it worse for you because it shows you the possibility of what could have been only if our Reader made slightly different choices. If you read both endings, you will see that it was mostly small gestures of kindness and compassion that decided her fate. 💓

MASTERLIST

[jinhogwarts]

fnc are a shit company, i don't have many good things to say about them, but heads down the best decision they ever made was to send hweseung to pd101s2 and then add him to n.flying

[sanjisboyfie]

rockstar ! trafalgar law headcanons

trafalgar law x male reader ; he might seem ooc but he isn't, trust me. this is how law is supposed to be perceived, i talked to oda himself and sorted this all out with him before publishing.

-> listened to brooklyn baby by lana while writing this...hehehehheheehhehehehehe ps. i think that is my favorite photo of manga law ever oh my fuking godhes so hot.

rockstar ! law . . . did not get famous overnight, but also did not get famous on purpose...if that makes sense. like his ass was up posting his guitar covers on youtube for years before someone reached out to him on joining a proper band. but also he wasn't posting those guitar covers with the intent of getting noticed. he just wanted people to see how SICK he was on guitar (he's a not-so-secret narcisst). but also another reason he posted them was because of you, his boyfriend who he had been in a relationship for a year at that point, was encouraging him to do so. your support for him and his talent was really assuring and fuelled him to be confident enough to post them online. (he was kind of against the idea at first, probably saying romantic shit like, "i want only you to hear the songs i play," but eventually was swayed when you spent many minutes convincing him to)

rockstar ! law . . . when he finally goes on tour with his band, he is pretty insistent and headstrong in allowing you to come with. he doesn't care if he needs to pay out of pocket money to fund your stay with him and his bandmates, he will if he has to. because he's not leaving you for months on end, pursuing the dream that was only possible because of how you supported him through it. there's absolutely no way he's going on tour without his boyfriend.

law's tattooed arms were crossed over his wide chest as he listened to their manager and a team of people tell him and his band about their upcoming plan for their first ever tour.

after the end, when it was about time for everything to wrap up, law calmly asked, "what about bringing significant others?" this makes the executives share looks with one another before apologetically smiling at him.

"sorry, another person added onto the travel, boarding, and all that will not be able to fit into out budg-"

"then i'm not going," law says simply, already getting ready to storm out of the room. but the manager stops him by his wrist.

"n-now, let's not get hasty! this was not something we accounted for-"

"well you should've, i'm not going anywhere without him. i'm not gonna leave him." law states stubbornly, glaring down at the man that was much shorter than him, "he's either coming with us or i'm not going at all."

a silence passed over the room and his bandmates were internally praising law for having the balls to stand up to these powerful guys so carefree like that.

maybe that's what had made him such a good rockstar.

his passions that he was not willing to back down for, he'd settle for his desires being fulfilled or nothing at all.

what they didn't know was that all of those passions were singlehandedly fuelled by his immense love for you.

"a portion of it will have to come out of your pocket, then. we really don't have the funds to bring on another person. so if you can't-"

"i can manage. if that's all, and we're all good. me and [name] will be ready by the designated time and meet you all at the location with all of our things," law easily says, walking out of the room with his broad shoulders being the last thing the executives saw.

"wow, law is so cool!" a memeber, stage-named penguin, said with stars in his eyes.

"don't get any ideas." the manager immediately cuts them off before they can gush further.

rockstar ! law . . . is very openly gay for you <3 doesn't really care that people are expecting him to act a certain way because he is a rockstar, he could care less. he's said time and time again that the only reason these fans of his have the oppurtunity to appreciate him to such an extent is because of you. had it not been you encouraging him to post his covers, he would not be standing on that stage for them to admire. so he can be as shameless as he wants in displaying his affection for you. naturally, law isn't the most into pda, but when he hears annoying people batter him for being so into you, his boyfriend, he feels the need to piss them off even further.

law's calloused fingers were playing with the flesh of your waist as he held you close. it was dark in the after party room so he made sure to keep you secure to his side so that he wouldn't lose you in the crowd.

there were a bunch of celebrities that attended their recent show scattered around the room, but he didn't care for them. not when he had you on his arm. plus, he didn't really like these after parties that much - he'd much prefer to be on the tour bus cuddling with you.

feeling unimpressed with the party, he turned to you to feel some comfort. when he saw how you were just taking in the view of everyone, he leaned down to kiss you, surprising you at the sudden affection. but soon, the both of you were just pressed against the wall of the room and blatantly making out with each other. his raven hair was messy by the time you two pulled away from each other and that knowing smirk of his was proudly plastered on his face.

the next morning, the internet were ripping law into pieces for still being in a relationship with you despite having access to as many beautiful women, handsome men, and alluring people that he could have wanted. he was a talented, well-known name in the scene with a handsome face and charming demeanor. he could have had anyone. and some were frustrated, for some reason, that he was still with you.

five years going strong in your relationship wasn't enough for the press to believe he was satisfied and completely settled down with you, for some reason...

he groans the moment he sees the headlines, throwing his phone to the mattress and turning into your side to be comforted by you once again. the only person capable of calming him down still remains to be only you.

"love you," he says against your skin, making you laugh at the sleepy confession.

"love you, too, law. you know i don't care about the stupid shit they say," you comment, making note of how tight his arms were around your waist.

he doesn't acknowledge what you say, only peppering more kisses to your bare skin.

rockstar ! law . . . kinda perfectly fits the rockstar bf aesthetic to a T. he's wearing the leather jackets and the other staple fashion pieces that scream "rockstar boyfriend." it doesn't help the way the clothes so perfectly fall into place on his body. he enjoys matching with you too, even if your aesthetics may not match. if he's wearing a heavy jewlery piece, like a necklace, ring, or bracelet, he buys a matching one that you would like and would be able to style. he doesn't mind discarding his iconic leather jacket for you if you are feeling cold. and of course, he's attentive, protective, and caring for you (and only you) - perfectly fuelling the fantasies many people have of that "rockstar boyfriend persona"

law was not known for being hot-headed. there were never any stories of him giving customer service people a hardtime, or of him trashing hotel rooms like many others in the same genre as him were guilty of doing. his overall attitude was off standish, but polite.

with a slight difference whenever he was seen with you. still off standish and polite, but specially doting and careful when he is with you.

his arm is always slithered around your waist or shoulders and he is always seen attentively listening to whatever it is you're rambling about. his eyes focused in on you, and only you, show that he is blocking out the rest of the world and listening to you intently.

the way he almost, kind of, definitely glares at people that interrupt your time together before he softens his gaze the moment you catch him making faces and scold him. he's completely wrapped around your finger, despite his seemingly intimidating and threatening persona, he's complete mush with you.

his leather jacket was thrown over your shoulders as he protectively stood behind you. tonight, the two of you were at the bar and watching the live performance of the local band of the town you were in. due to your begging, he agreed to get off of the counter stool and dance and sway to the music with you.

his arms are resting in front of you as he holds your hands in his, completely engulfing them with the size difference. the jacket around you is practically drowning you as well.

he's rocking you back and forth, occasionally leaning down and pressing a kiss to your cheek and whispering sweet nothings to you. your cute moment unfortunately comes to an end though. some drunkard knocks into the two of you and spills their entire pint of beer on you and your clothing.

your first reaction is to take off law's jacket to spare it from reeking of the beverage, but law's first reaction is to push you behind him and size up the guy that knocked into you.

"the hell is your problem, man?! it was an accident!" the man defends himself when he feels threatened by your boyfriend.

law's one hand is holding your own, wanting to make sure you stay close to him some way, while the other is clenched at his side to form a fist. noticing how he was very close to landing a hit on the idiot's face, you pull him back by his shirt, "c'mon, people are staring,"

"don't care, this guy has got his head so far up his ass," law simply says, genuinely not caring at all that people were looking at him as if he were crazy.

"law, let's just go," he turns his head to you, his gaze softening as he turns.

he waits a couple seconds before speaking in whispers, "do you really want to go? i can just take care of him-"

"i do, really. let's just go, babe, it's alright, it was an accident," you continued trying to convince him.

"he could've done it on purpose, he could be a complete, total asshole,"

you laughed at his reasoning of giving the guy a lesson, shaking your head, "let's just go and get out of here."

law doesn't seem satisfied with having to let the guy go without any reprecussions, but if law is anything: he's a boyfriend that listens to his boyfriend.

so he walks away with you close by, tight grip on your hand, and silently cursing the asshole the entire ride home.

rockstar ! law . . . very casually dedicates the most romantic, sensual, loving, etc. songs to you when he is on stage.

"this one is for the man standing at side stage, waiting for me,"

"i've been with the same idiot for 5 years now and this song is for him,"

"this is [name]'s favorite, by the way. so if you don't like it, you can fuck off,"

rockstar ! law . . . who doesn't understand the way some fans really idolize your relationship. he loves you a lot and he's glad that they're accepting of that fact, but why are people on the internet asking him and you to adopt them...? or why are they calling the both of you their "daddies"? he's confused. he at least pieces together that they're being supportive, but he doesn't truly understand what they mean when they say stuff like "i wanna go to paris" underneath his posts of you and him on his instagram.

rockstar ! law . . . whose favorite audience is still you. he loves playing his guitar for you, just in the quiet of your room (when you're finally home for tour) and with you on the bed with his strumming as background noise to your reading, or whatever hobby you commit to.

his fingers move with such familiarity he can easily take his eyes off of the neck of the guitar. he looks at you with such love and care that it would make any onlookers vomit at how sweet he was being.

the song that he was playing was faintly resembling "can't help falling in love" by elvis, with his own personal twist. the moment you recognize the chords and notes, though, you look at him with a deadpan expression on your face.

he smirks, tilting his head, "what?" he'll ask with that annoying knowing look on his face.

"you're so cheesy," you comment with an eye roll.

"oh, don't be an asshole now,"

"not being an asshole, just being honest!"

law puts down the acoustic guitar, walking over to where you were and planting a kiss to the top of your head. clearing his throat, he begins to mimic the singer with exaggeration. it spurs you into laughter at his impression, which he only grins wider at. your laugh still remains his favorite sound in the whole world.

this soft side was only shown behind closed doors with you. and you liked it that way. no one else got to see your usually intimidating boyfriend with his walls completely down. how sweet and doting he actually was. polar opposite to that persona he put on whenever he walked onto those grand stages.

he was just yours right now.

and as he leans down to press a passionate kiss to your lips, you can smile against his with comfortability. and warmness spreads throughout both of your chests as he smiles back.

and finally, rockstar ! law who definitely gets your name tattooed somewhere on his body. probably on his hands or arms tbh because that is the most visible body part of his that gets photographed and noticed due to how he plays the guitar. that way if anyone wants to take photos of him in his element, they'll see a small part of you that he carries with him everywhere.

[eskeptical]

marriage of convenience with john price in which one party (you) is seemingly unaware of what they have gotten themselves into

it came up as a sort of joke on a lazy night out with some drinks when you decided to catch up after a year or two of not seeing each other. neither of you are getting any younger, and the dating scene only seems to grow stale with the years. you laugh at the idea of getting the military wife benefits, and all he does is respond with a rough chuckle, smoke billowing out of his lips after a puff from his cigar, crows feet present as ever on the corners of his eyes as he seems particularly focused on you.

truthfully, you had forgotten all about it, not bothering to entertain the thought. you think he does the same until he shows up a few months later, back from deployment, with the type of despair in his eyes only certain people experience when they realize that maybe they don't want to die alone. a few hours later, he has slipped a band of metal with a pretty rock on your finger and a date is marked on your calendar.

you think of it purely as a negotiation of sorts. you get the government benefits that come with marriage, he gets the same, and you both get a sort of permanent companion/friend. it can't be all that bad. you're sure price wouldn't mind having an open marriage, given the way it was conceived.

you don't begin to realize you maybe bit off more than you could chew until you show him the short white dress you were planning to wear to the small courthouse and he asks where your other dress is.

"what other dress, john?"

"the long one with the veil, darlin'. have to get married properly, of course."

you didn't think you'd be marrying through the church as well. sure, you figured john was a bit traditional, but not enough to want to get married through the church. you figure he must have organized it for the sake of his more religious parents and family, so you decide It wouldn't hurt to go along with it.

he treats you as if you were his real fiancée. sends you flowers anytime he can. already calls you honey, and you're not sure why it makes your skin burn. anytime he comes back from a mission, he makes sure to greet you with a proper kiss, long and hot and intimate enough to make your cheeks burn knowing there are people around you.

the first day after you get married, you decide now is a better time than any to propose the idea of seeing other people. not so much because you want to see other people, but more out of concern that he might. after your nervous disposition and quiet tone of voice, you fidget with your hands when all john does is laugh for a good minute at the idea. "darling, seventh commandment prohibits adultery. it'd be awfully wrong to disobey the laws of God." you don't bring up the topic again.

he's quick to buy you a house after you do get married. it's quite big, and you joke it could fit an entire family of twelve, to which he only hums, adding after a few seconds, "ten to go, then."

after a few months, you notice there's a room he keeps locked at all times, that he goes into constantly whenever he's around. when you ask him about it, he only responds and says it's a work in progress.

you feel your heart stop a little when one day he's working inside it, with the door slightly open, and you get a peek of soft toned wallpaper with patterns containing leaves and small animals, white long pieces of wood of uniform size, and a small circular thing with stars and planets made from felt that lay beside a stuffed animal.

[wrathofrats]

I've been seeing the Swiss grabbing his crotch gifset going around again and the Swussy thoughts you posted and my brain can't help but try to combine those two ideas like I'm smashing two action figures together to make them kiss so here it is--

Swiss being in heat (or just being feral as usual) and unable to help himself and reaching down to press his fingers against his throbbing clit, feeling how wet he is. With how much he wiggles and moves during a Ritual his folds and puffy lips slip and slide together and he just can't help it after a while, just needs to touch and it's not like he forgets that he's literally in the middle of a Ritual, it's that he doesn't care.

And also because I can't help myself with Swissalps--Mountain seeing it and smelling him and it makes him break a pair of his sticks with how hard he grips them, especially when Swiss is all but humping the stage during Watcher in the Sky. He's gonna wreck that Swussy at the first opportunity he gets.

In hindsight Swiss should’ve known better.

The signs were there. Waking up in a cold sweat with his cheeks burning, a tugging feeling in his gut that could only be quelled by a hand roughly palming himself on top of his hotel comforter early in the morning. He chocked it up to the shitty hotel ac, barely blew into the room and during the dead of August the small breeze didn’t help much.

The main sign was when the feeling didn’t stop once he was packed up and back on the tour bus. Swiss sat in front of the vents with his face in the air, legs drawn up to his chest in a feeble attempt to stop the ache between his thighs. Too hot and too much. He elected to ignore it anyways.

Swiss should have thought ahead more when he had to change his underwear to put on his uniform. His own heady scent filling his nostrils as he pulled off his sweats, dragging the damp fabric down his legs. It should have been the main factor in trying to just breathe through the show, go through the motions without incident and once he was off the stage he could fall at mountain or rains feet and beg them for help, even if he was ignoring his own heat.

Heat clouded his mind, fingers slipping down and between his folds as he pulled off his underwear to change. In his brain the excuse was to clean up, to just see how wet he truly was, but the excuse falls apart as he brings his own fingers to his lips with a whimper.

Swiss was much too sensitive like this, just the act of sliding his fingers between himself with the intent of innocence had him bucking and his thighs shaking with want. He could feel his clit pulse as he reluctantly pulled his hand away from himself.

He just had to get through one show, and someone would help him.

The beginning of the show goes smoother than he thought, even if his head was clouded it served as a good distraction from how much he needed to be touched. Swiss went through the motions, some shimmies and shakes when he realized he had been lost in space for too long.

It only got worse the more he performed, the mic stand now being realized as an excellent form of friction along with his guitar. He could see a small darker outline on his stand as he pulled away from a particularly pointed thrust against it, his own slick seeping through his pants and leaving a damp spot on the metal.

He needs to touch, he needs something. He knows where he is, he knows he’s in the middle of a ritual but swiss can’t bring his foggy brain to care.

Mountain is the first to notice. Out of the corner of rain or dews eyes Swiss looked like he was acting normally, his usual antics that would get him a joke talking to by copia or another band member about being a whore. But this time? Mountain can see his mic stand shine in the light from behind him. Slick from where he grinded on it like he just couldn’t help himself.

He watches his hands move down his body, pretending like he’s performing even as the heel of his palm digs right into his cunt, no doubt adding pressure to his clit. It’s obscene, mountain has no clue how he gets away with it but god he’s glad he’s so far back behind his drums, any closer and the audience could probably hear him growling from underneath his mask.

The drumsticks in his hands crack, part of one going flying behind him as mountain continues to stare.

He’s going to ruin him.

[luvsunarin]

[ megumi fushiguro x fem!reader ] ෴ IN WHICH⠀your roommate tries to convince you to join her band.

warnings・CORNY CORNY CORNY. i wrote this at 3 in the morning and did not proof read or edit this so my apologies if it makes no sense LOL

wc・1.1k || short read lolz. p2 mayb!?

APART OF⠀⠀𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐑 𝐓𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐓𝐌𝐄𝐍𝐓. BAND AUS [ the collection ]

you laid on your arm chair in the living room with your head resting on the arm rest, while your legs dangled over the armrest on the opposite side of the small couch meanwhile your roommate sat on the floor in front of you while some of her band mates sat on the couch and some on the floor.

"c'mon y/n! we need a drummer, and you're the perfect option!" nobara pleaded you.

"look nobara, i'm truly flattered but i don't know." you sighed and shrugged.

"why not? didn't you tell me you used to be in a band in high school with megumi at one point?" she glanced between the two of you.

your eyes widened for a subtle second, "no? i never told you that." you told her and squinted at megumi.

"well then megumi did! he said that you were the drummer and that you played like no one else." she repeated his words dramatically which made megumi roll his eyes.

"didn't i tell you to not bring that up?" he scoffed.

"desperate times call for desperate measures." itadori reasoned with a shrug.

"well he's being dramatic. i really was an average drummer. our lead singer would always get mad at me 'cause i'd constantly fuck up during practices."

"yet you played flawlessly at shows." megumi added, staring at you intensely.

"what?" you furrowed your eyebrows at him.

"you rarely played good at practice but whenever it came to shows, you played perfectly." he said. "oh but ya know, it has been a while so i understand if you got even worse." a smirk formed on his features.

you raise an eyebrow at him and send him a brief glare, which he returned.

itadori cleared his throat and stared between the two of you who were staring very intensely at each other then glanced at nobara. "maybe this isn't such a good idea–"

"no, you know what? i'll do it." you scoffed.

they all went wide-eyed, "what?!"

"i'll be your drummer," you specified. "then i'll prove to fushiguro that i've only gotten better at drumming."

itadori and nobara's bright features dropped when you said that, "seriously? just for competition?"

"nah. she's just saying that 'cause she misses playing the drums. and she misses being in a band with me." megumi teased.

you scoffed, "in your dreams."

"yeah, i dreamt about it every night so much to the point it became reality."

your features relaxed and you adjusted your legs on the arm chair, "whatever."

"i'll let our manager know then!" nobara cleared her throat, breaking the awkward silence that grew upon them and she pulled out her phone. "gojo'll be thrilled."

"seriously? megumi's dad is the manager of this band too?" you stiffled your laughter.

"he's not my dad–"

"yet he's changed your diapers more than toji ever did." you cut him off and shrugged.

he scoffed, "whatever."

nobara clicked on gojo's contact and pressed call. "gojo, you won't believe it!"

you heard gojo's muffled voice through the phone, "what? wait, let me guess– you got y/n to be your drummer?"

"yup! she said she's only doing it to prove to fushiguro that she's still an amazing drummer but i know that's bullshit." nobara whispered followed by a chuckle.

"i heard that kugisaki." you called out.

itadori rushed over to the phone as well, "yup, they probably miss each other a lot." he whispered.

"you guys are right in front of us." megumi pointed out.

the other three rolled their eyes. three because you just know that gojo rolled his eyes as well. "fine then we'll go somewhere you can't hear us!" they made their way to the kitchen and continued to gossip there with gojo.

which left you and megumi.

the silence wasn't awkward. the air felt stuffy but not awkward. however you broke the silence by asking megumi a question, "do you seriously think i'm the best drummer or were you over-exaggerating 'cause you missed being in a band with me?" you teased as a smirk tugged on your lips.

megumi clicked his tongue and rolled his eyes, "are you seriously joining the band because you wanna prove to me you're still the best drummer or 'cause you missed being in a band with me?" he mocked you.

you thought for a moment, "neither. i miss playing the drums." you told him confidently.

"i'm heart broken, really." he said dramatically. "you didn't miss me?"

"sure i did," you chuckled at him. "i missed throwing my drum sticks at your head before a show."

"i'd always keep it in my pocket during the show for goodluck."

"aw, was i your good luck charm?" you mocked him and laughed.

"you could say that if it makes you happy." he rolled his eyes.

"nah, i'd rather think of it that you had my drum stick in your pocket so that you could always have a reminder that i'm putting you under pressure." you looked at him.

he laughed softly, "i'd prefer the good luck thing."

"i wouldn't. if i kept one of your guitar strings in my pocket, i'd pressure myself to play ten times better." you spoke, "but then again, you don't like being put under pressure. so i see why you prefer the good luck thing." you smirked at him.

he looked at you weirdly while a smile subconsciously snuck onto his features, "i'd put myself under pressure for you."

"gross," you looked at him with a playfully disgusted look. "that's corny."

"it was a joke asshole," he shook his head. "hey but didn't you notice that i played better with your drumstick in my pocket than when i didn't?"

"under pressure."

"whatever." he sighed. "i'm glad you joined the band." he told you, changing the topic.

you hummed, "oh yeah? so you did miss being in a band with me." you confirmed.

"whatever helps you sleep at night. you sleep deprived fuck."

you looked at him playfully offended, "sleep deprived fuck?" you repeated his words. "i can't believe you."

"sure y/n. remind me of how many hours of sleep you get?"

"too far buddy, too far," you joked followed by a laugh. "anyway, how have you been?"

"better now that you joined the band." he smirked.

"oh? so you really missed me?" you joked.

"yeah," he finally admitted. "i didn't just miss being in a band with you but i missed you." he added.

you stared at him, "oh yeah? i missed you too actually." you admitted as well.

"sure you did. wasn't i the reason you left our old band?"

"well now you're the reason i'm joining your new one." you chuckled, "you gotta quit doing that– letting the past interfere with the future."

he sighed in defeat, "so you did miss me, huh?"

"oh shut up." you gave in and smiled.

﹫heartshapedjewls' work! do not copy! || xtra words frm jules: im contemplating whether or not i should make a prt2 butttt idk... MORE BAND AUS TO COMEEE!! im so excited to write for star treatment 🫂. anyway have a good day yall, and stay hydrated!

[riality-check]

daisy jones-adjacent au. part 1, 2, 3, 4, 5. tw substance abuse, ptsd, references to past torture (canon, the russians.) part 7.

ao3

Writing the album is, somehow, the easy part, even after Steve put his foot in his mouth.

He had his suspicions, but he shouldn't have asked that. It was a dick move, and he's been trying not to be a dick for the past few years. So, he apologized and didn't bring it up again.

Eddie softened after that. Like he wasn't expecting Steve to apologize. He accepted it, and things have been good since.

Well, more than good, if Steve's being honest. Things have gotten a lot better since.

He's noticed a few things, even after their permanently discontinued game of "truth or truth." Mostly, the things Steve has noticed have been about Eddie, like:

He laughs at the dumbest things.

He quotes books and movies constantly.

He has an accent that he masks unless he's tired.

He hates strong smells.

He deflects by becoming bigger.

There's more. A lot more that Steve has noticed, but listing everything about Eddie's brilliance and stubbornness, his courage and obnoxiousness, his gorgeous face and sharp tongue would take all day. Steve has noticed a lot over these few weeks spent hunched over instruments and notebooks at his house, and he thinks Eddie has noticed him in return.

He hopes so.

It's been a long time since Steve has wanted to be noticed beyond the superficial adoration of fans. It's been a long time since Steve has wanted to be known.

There are a plethora of reasons for why that's a bad idea. Steve is able to forget them momentarily when he sees Eddie smile.

All too soon, after far too long, they're done writing. They start recording, and that is the hard part.

It always is. There's always something wrong with the levels or slightly out of tune, or someone sneezes right into the mic on the first good take. There's things that work and things that don't, and, always, songs on paper that have to get fixed before they can be songs on the radio.

The album has good bones, though. It's angry and hopeful and scared and sad and triumphant. It's music, it's art, it's life.

And once they can make it work, it's going to be great.

That's what Steve is doing now. Making it work. He's awake at 4 AM on a Tuesday, sitting at a piano and trying to rework the bass line to stop it from clashing so much with the melody.

The only good thing about this situation is that he's made it to seventy three hours awake for the first time, courtesy of a well-timed line right before he got to work.

If it keeps working, he might trash the pills entirely.

He plays the introduction to the song again on his right hand and starts adding low notes on his left. As it is, it sounds empty. To much distance. But if he raises it a fourth-

"Steve?"

He freezes, fighting back against the instinct to jump away from the piano like a kid caught with his hand in a cookie jar. He forgot that the band has been crashing at his house - it's close to the studio and he has the rooms to spare - and because he forgot that he wasn't alone, he failed to remember that most people aren't awake at this hour, nevermind working.

So, he calmly turns around to see Eddie, in pajamas, standing in the doorway, blinking sleep out of his tired eyes.

Steve swallows and hopes that Eddie is too tired to catch him openly staring.

"What are you doing?" Eddie whispers.

"Reworking something," Steve says. "Trying out something different for the bass line in Envy, the one that's giving us trouble."

Eddie covers his mouth to yawn. "Couldn't sleep?"

Steve wonders when the last time he thought that was a bad thing was.

"I can be quieter," he says. "I was just trying to fix this. But that can wait until morning."

"Steve," Eddie says, and he's got that look on his face.

Steve hates that look.

Eddie looks at him like he can see inside his skull, inside his heart, and read his DNA letter by letter. He looks at him like he can see everything about Steve: past, present, and future.

And there's pity in every second of it.

Steve can't stand pity.

"I just- I gotta see the whole picture, you know?" he continues so Eddie doesn't get to voice that pity. "And you guys all have your instruments, but piano gives me everything. I can play the bass and the guitar and sing and- I'm just able to get it better that way. Where are you going?"

Eddie is almost out the door again. "I- I can't be here, Steve."

"Why? Are you tired? You can go-"

"You're high, and I know that if you offer me something, I won't say no."

Oh.

"Eddie, I wouldn't-"

"And even if you don't, if you take something in front of me, I know I'll ask for some," he says, like it's a fact, the same way the sky is blue.

"I'm not- I wouldn't do that to you," Steve says. No point in denying that he's high, not when they both know it. "I wasn't- I'll get off the piano. I'll read, or, well, reread something instead."

He gestures aimlessly at the bookshelf on the wall near the door. It's crammed full of recommendations from Dustin and Robin and Erica and Nancy. All of them have been read at least once, most of them twice.

"You like to read?" Eddie asks.

"No, I hate it," Steve says, completely genuinely.

Eddie huffs out a quiet laugh. "I will never understand you."

"I know."

Because that's the thing. No one can understand it, can understand him, unless they were in Hawkins, Indiana, too. Unless they saw what he did. Unless they signed the same NDAs. Unless they fought the same monsters and went to the same other world and endured the same things.

Eddie, like most other people, will never be able to understand.

So, his smile fades as he stands there in the doorway, confused.

"I like stories, but I hate reading," Steve explains. "I just do it to fill-"

"I can read to you."

Steve stops mid-word. "What?"

"If you want to hear the story without reading," Eddie says. "I like reading. I can read to you."

Steve has spent seventy four hours, at this point, awake. He is sitting at a piano bench at 4 AM on a Tuesday, high on cocaine, and is staring at a hot guy his age who, over the past few weeks, has alternated between seemingly hating him and smiling that smile.

Forgive him for making the stupid decision to say-

"Okay."

Eddie smiles, though it's tired. He takes a book from the shelf at random and walks out the door. Steve has no choice but to follow, back to the guest room Eddie has taken as his own.

Eddie turns on the bedside lamp and lays down underneath the rumpled sheets.

"Come on," he says, patting the space next to him. "I don't bite."

"You sure?" Steve jokes, but he climbs on alongside him, careful not to touch.

He really wants to touch.

He's not thinking straight.

Eddie cracks the book open and starts reading in a low whisper.

Steve can barely understand what he's saying, but that doesn't matter. What matters is Eddie's voice, quiet and rough and breathy. What matters is Eddie's voice, steady and soothing.

It's nice. It's really nice.

Steve finds himself curling up, closer and closer, until his head is on Eddie's chest.

His eyes slip closed at hour seventy-five.

And the next thing he knows, he's standing with his back to a corner, holding a metal, foldable music stand in front of him, with a voice hoarse from screaming.

Clearly, he fell asleep.

Fantastic.

Sometimes, he's able to tell what the nightmare was before he actually remembers it. It's all in the little habits he's developed.

When he finds himself checking to see if all his fingernails are still attached to his hands, blinking nonexistent blood out of his left eye, and still murmuring Robin's name, he knows that this one had to be about the Russians.

And then the memory of the bone saw, of the screaming, of taking hit after hit after hit crashes into him so hard he almost doubles over.

He reminds himself he's safe. That he's unharmed. That Robin is safe in her dorm at UCLA. That they never got Dustin or Erica.

That all of this is fucking useless.

He's gotten it all out. He's written song after song about all of it, all of the monsters and the fighting and the fear and the good in spite of it all. He writes and plays and sings close enough to all of it to almost break the NDAs.

And none of it is of any use at all because, years later, Steve still can't fucking sleep.

He swallows. Swallows again. Tries to breathe, even if it's in the form of great, heaving gasps.

And that's when he realizes that Eddie is standing right in front of him. Clearly confused, clearly terrified.

This is why, though he can never understand Steve, he shouldn't know him, either. This is why Steve can't reach out and touch.

Because even if he could explain it to Eddie, even if he would lie and say he believed him and understood, no one wants someone who can't make it through a night without waking up at least three times. No one wants to have to calm someone down from weekly screaming fits brought on by the back of their eyelids.

"Get out," he says.

"Steve," Eddie says, and there's that pity again.

Steve can't stand pity.

"Get out!" he shouts, heedless of the fact that he's probably waking everyone else up, that this is the room Eddie is staying in.

He can go to Steve's room. Everything in there is hidden, so he can't break his sobriety unless he snoops.

Steve hopes he doesn't snoop. He doesn't want to drag Eddie down to where he's at.

Eddie nods and makes his way to the door. Before he leaves, he stops and looks back.

"I don't know what you're running from," he whispers. "But when it catches you-"

"What?" Steve snaps.

"Let someone know."

If Steve were in a better state of mind, he'd ask what the hell that meant. But he's shaking and tired, so goddamn tired, that he watches Eddie go.

He sits on the floor, in the corner, still holding the music stand. The sun is up. It streams through the windows along with the sounds of birds chirping.

And Steve wonders how he's supposed to live the rest of his life like this.

He makes it an hour before he falls asleep sitting up on the floor. He makes it two more before he wakes himself up again, checking his fingernails.

[vorbarrsultana]

the vampire lestat reread, pt. 1 (lestat and nickistat)

also known as "i decided to reread tvl after the season finale because some takes i've seen online give me the impression i read a completely different book two years ago". i've finished it two days ago, and turns out i have more than 5000 words of notes that significally exceed tumblr character limit. so, i had to split them into three parts.

here is part one, all about dramatic theater kids full of love, sad violinists of infinite beauty, and friends-to-lovers romances doomed by the narrative.

i love lestat.

i forgot how fun and likable tvl lestat is from page one. and how different he is from his fanon characterization!

lestatposting is fun, i get it, but i am starting to get annoyed at the amount of fanfics where lestat needs someone to help him adapt to modern times. he is doing fine on his own, thank you. it took him less than two weeks to start a rock band.

(and the whole iphone thing from "prince lestat" is more about him not seeing it as something useful since he has a mind-skype ability to talk to any vamp on planet earth, and they cannot decline the call.)

lestat is not stupid. impulsive? yes. stubborn? of course. but clever, resourseful, and cunning when he needs to be. all of this makes him a great hunter! also, really thoughtful when the mood strikes, and his quiet, existential moments have some of the best prose in that book.

i wish someone smarter than me wrote a good meta about lestat & social class because he really seems to buy into the idea of "noblesse oblige" i.e. the belief that aristocrats are obliged to take care of those less fortunate. it's present in the way he kills the wolf pack for the villagers (who live on his father's land), and later takes responsibility for the theatre troupe & remnants of armand's coven, even though he doesn't owe them anything.

also, characterization of lestat as someone socially cluesless is simply untrue. sure, he plays dumb on occasion (and hates it every time because early life illiteracy trauma), but he is also good at reading people. like, he got a pretty accurate read of armand behind the angelic facade during their first face-to-face meeting. the only people he has trouble reading are those closest to him because he heavily projects his abandonment issues on them.

lestat's struggle of being "too much" contrasts nicely with the struggle of never being enough which is so crucial to louis. hashtag made for each other.

and juxtaposition of lestat's desire to be loved for who he is and louis's struggle with identity is also delicious.

this time i also related so much to lestat's "malady of mortality" and his search for meaning in the world. which ultimately fails because he is forcibly turned into a monster, and now every ounce of happiness he might bring into the world (and lestat desperately wants to do good!) is outweighed by him killing to survive.

and marius later reinforced the belief that vampirism has no higher purpose, and no wonder that nola!lestat is a shell of his former self.

lestat's turning is the most classic horror moment of the vampire chronicles to me. the mina harker of it all. the creature of night shrouded in terror snatching an innocent victim from the arms of their love right before bleak november sunrise.

also, all the implications of what magnus has done to lestat were even more clear during this reread, and i wonder if that was the reason rolin "i-love-narrative-parallels" jones added bruce into claudia's story.

the book also explains perfectly why lestat is so well suited for vampirism. his curiosity, thirst for new experiences, and adventuring spirit are his eternal engine on the devil's road :)

however, the downside of that personality facet is that lestat steamrolls over his trauma telling himself "this is fine! look, satan, i am making the best of it", which in turn leads to the iwtv nola mess.

and i feel like this constant search for positives in vampirism (that unwilligly turned lestat & claudia share) is why they can't really relate to louis, who chose it for himself. if these two start to get too existential, the temptation to throw themselves into the fire might become unbearable.

lestat equating his loneliness with his evilness is interesting, but i have nothing to say about that for now other than equation being there.

lestat's explosive temper is also present in the book. there is a constant pattern of lestat doing things he regrets the most (like the theater performance fiasco or eating people at notre dame's steps) when he is angry or upset.

let's talk about nicki. i love him, despite half of fandom hating on him for some reason.

lestat has a type, which is "good catholic boy" with narrow view of good and evil. except louis is of a parent's favorite, conforming variety, and nicki is the rebellious one, driven to the utmost cynicism by religious dogmas.

however, despite being a self-proclaimed cynic, nicki practically drowns in catholic guilt, almost reveling in the fact that everything he does, from playing violin in the boulevard theater to having an affair with lestat, is wrong. there is no meaning in anything, and he is doomed to die a sinner's death.

he is doomed! by the narrative though.

lestat and nicki's philosophical difference seems to be that nicki (unlike lestat) does not believe in inherent goodness of the positive emotions. for him, "sin always feels good", therefore happiness they bring performing = sin.

but still, nickistat's love is so touching. after lestat ghosts nicki to protect him, he still trusts lestat's love for him and the troupe, thinks best of him, and shuts down all nasty rumours. in turn, lestat equates all the good that was in his mortal life, all his hopes and dreams with nicki. he is a symbol of everything magnus took from him.

AND THEY COMMUNICATE THROUGH MUSIC, AND IT'S THEM AT THEIR BEST, AND IT'S BEAUTIFUL.

nicki almost became lestat's charlie. when they meet face to face for the first time after lestat's transformation, he can barely contain his hunger magnified by attraction.

the most terribly sad thing about nicki is the unfairness of all that happened to him. he had seen lestat being shot right before him, then he disappeared with dying gabrielle, then the coven kidnapped and tortured him until he lost his mind.

and for nicki, the dark gift is a confirmation of everything he believes in being true. the meaninglessness of it all. evil being the only certain thing in the world. the way to fall into a deeper, darker abyss than the one that was before the mortal him. and it is a confirmation that lestat's inner light he loved so much will eventually burn out.

(his spark in the dark, if you will.)

(and lestat's dream before turning nicki hurts, because he dreams of growing up and growing old together, of maturing past magnus's eternal lelio with sunlight in his hair and summer sky in his eyes. oh, the lesdaughter of it all.)

there is certainly a parallel between nickistat's bitter "in darkness, we are equal now" vs loustat's comforting "in the quiet dark, we were equals".

[carryonafi]

Pretty please may I have some sweet luke smut 🥹💙

butterfly kisses.

luke hemmings x reader; SMUT!!!🔞

a/n: you ask and you shall receive! a cutesy little luke smut during the 5sos show tour in europe on one of your days off <3 also MARRIAGE

let me know if this lived up to your expectations!

words: 2.8k

ˏˋ°•*⁀➷

A few seemingly endless flights, airport battles with fans and covering up your face for the majority of your interrupted peaceful walks from terminals — you were finally in Paris. The city of romance, where you got to live out your dreams of wearing your pre-planned fancy outfits and sip champagne out of pretty shooter glasses that would look so dainty in your manicured nails. Luke could feel your excitement, he knew how keen you were during the past stops of this tour to finally come and see the beautiful sights of your dream city. It was incredibly sweet of him to bring you along as it was your first time.

“I’m so glad we have today off. I think I could sleep for days.” Ashton hummed to Calum, who agreed and murmured back about collapsing into bed once they got to the hotel. The group of you were walking through the sleek halls of the airport, making your way through while trying to avoid the public as much as possible with your hand clasped tightly in Luke’s.

“We’ve stayed here before.” Luke added on the topic of the hotel, turning to nudge your shoulder and give you a warm smile. “You’re going to love it.” Eventually, the group had to be redirected which put an end to your conversation. Luke’s presence along with the rest of the band was comforting even if none of you didn’t quite knew what you were doing, it felt safe. Secure. Speaking of which…

“You doin’ okay?” You looked up when you felt the squeeze to your hand and Luke’s voice rasp in hazed jet lag, he had also slept on the plane, but he never failed to look so effortlessly beautiful. You nodded and squeezed his hand back, it was kind of your thing. Three squeezes meant “I love you”.

“Yeah, ‘m good. Excited.” You replied as enthusiastic as you could, his hand that was previously holding your own slid around your body to hold you closer as you walked towards the exit of the airport. His body was warm and you could feel the heat radiating under the hoodie he was wearing, it was your favorite as well. Another round of chattering yet polite fans hit as you left the airport, security on either side of you while making sure you were just getting to the car. The four guys mumbled kind words to the fans who caught their attention, greeted them, thanked them, “we’re so glad you’re here”, “see you at the show?”, all repeated in a timeframe of just under 60 seconds. Then it was almost silent again, just muffled behind car doors as the group collectively sighed with relief. Except for Ashton, he was staring out of his window grinning to himself and watching the shocked expressions of fans who simply couldn’t contain themselves.

You had arrived at this extravagant looking hotel, a word you learned to use because that’s simply how everything was here. Extravagant. Fucking extravagant.

“Bougie, isn’t it?” Luke looked at you expectantly again, yet again making you laugh as you collected your bag from the car.

“Bougie? I didn’t think anyone seriously used that word.” He laughed too.

“That’s what it is, though! Bougie.. fancy!” He reiterated, making hand gestures as he did so before you finally started the journey again. More fans, less this time so Ashton and Calum stuck around outside for a few seconds to take a couple pictures before following the rest of the group up the steps and into the hotel. Hell, bougie was definitely the right word. You had no idea what to do with yourself in this room, and you’d only be here for about a day and a half before hopping back on the road to another country? Another whole country? Europe was amazing. Every country was like a state in America, except most of them weren’t speaking the same language and you still needed a passport. Even without taking a plane.

The group parted ways, Michael’s room just across the hall while the other two guys had their own rooms a few doors down. Luke was clingy and tired as ever, but you didn’t complain for a second. It was sweet to have him so vulnerable especially after having to put on a front and face his fans for hours. He got a break, one that he really needed by the looks of it. You entered the room after saying your goodbyes, well, “bonsoir” to everyone since the next couple of hours called for some good sleep. It was just as beautiful as everyone had promised, thick white sheets on the bed and fluffy pillows that you were dying to rest on, a window just ahead of you with the shades closed leaving the room slightly dim, a couch, coffee table, then a closet and a bathroom to the left. Looking back at Luke, he gave you a nod of encouragement to go and explore so the first thing you did was open up the shades. To your surprise, the city was lit and busy with a small peek of the famous tower in the distance. Not the ideal, but it was still magical to even believe that it was real. The Eiffel Tower was real, and right there! It looked huge even from far away. You felt arms around your middle and Luke’s face buried in your hair which was held up in a bun-like shape by a metal clip.

“Pretty?” He asked, prompting you to turn around in his grasp and lazily drape your arms over his shoulders. Your poor, poor boy. He looked so happy, but exhausted.

“Very pretty.” You hummed in amusement, fingering at the curls which rested at the nape of his neck. They were freshly bleached yet so, so soft from the treatment you forced him to use. “You look very pretty, too.”

“You look like my wife.” Luke pressed his forehead to yours, cheeks heating up from the words he spoke despite him having said much worse. You had never left the honeymoon stage of your relationship, every single time he complimented you or did anything sweet of the sorts you were instantly flustered and a giggly mess. You got engaged months ago, and you hadn’t even spoken of a wedding yet since you’ve been busy with everything else in life. After this leg of tour, he’d promised that you’d talk about it.

“You like thinking ��bout me being Mrs. Hemmings soon, hm?” Your voice came out much sweeter than expected, but it just made Luke smile much more as he tried to fight it by pressing a kiss to the tip of your nose.

“Can’t wait, I’ve been waiting too long already.” He complained, but you only responded by connecting your lips with his. Gentle and curved with the remnants of mint from the gum he had on the plane, he sighed happily and melted into your touch. It was like your bodies were meant to be together, meant to hold each other close and meant to be flush every chance you got. His hands held you so lovingly, so gently even when you requested he be rough. Your height compared to his was more than enough to make you blush, he could comfortably rest his chin atop your head despite you being a bit taller than ideal. “I love you.” He muttered into your lips, loving hands and smooth fingertips gliding over your hips to make you feel a thousand butterflies release. In your stomach, in your chest, and making goosebumps rise on your skin.

“Love you most.” You scrunched up your nose when he kissed you again, humming between pecks and pressing his face to your cheek.

“Don’t start, Mrs. Hemmings…” He whispered, now kissing sloppily all over your face and your hair. Luke was more than happy to take in the lingering scent of your hair mist which clung to your sweater, and now his clothes. He always smelled you, everything he owned was plagued by you and when he was alone the hit was almost saddening. Luke wished in those moments that he could grab you out of thin air, spin you around as you giggled and begged him to stop before you got dizzy, then finally place you down on the bed. Your sweet laughs would die down and he’d move to kiss your neck, brushing your hair out of the way and once again smelling the mist that would bring him back to reality. Then, he would shove his clothes away and send you a text along the lines of how much he missed you.

“Luke, come on. It’s still early, baby. We’ve got a whole day of exploring ahead of us when we wake up.” You snapped him out of his real life daydream and he shook his head to physically do the job as well.

“Okay, okay.” Luke kissed you one last time before he peeled himself away, going to undress as you let your hair down and closed the shades again. Sleep, finally. After an excruciating flight of listening to babies cry and uncomfortable headphones, you were now laying in a bed. A lovely bed, with your lovely fiancé and his lovely presence, in a very bougie hotel room in Paris with your friends unwinding safely in their rooms as well. You were officially living in paradise.

— 🤍 —

You were not startled awake, but you could definitely feel movement. Luke was pressed against your back, breathing softly into the untouched skin of your neck as he rested. Was he awake? You couldn’t tell, but it was evident when he began to stir just as you shuffled too. He made a soft sound and wrapped his arm tighter around you, curls brushing up on your bare shoulder as he began to kiss again. He started at the few freckles on your shoulder, then pushed your hair out of the way so he could comfortably reach the back of your neck. It felt so good, like a dream. You were totally dreaming…

“Luke.” You breathed, baring your thighs together as you felt him smile. The drowsiness began to wear off, slowly turning to the side just as he propped himself up on his elbow. That precious face stared back at you, eyes glistening like a kid in a candy store.

“Hi.” Luke whispered with gratitude, cupping your cheek with his free hand so your face would be of easier access to him.

“Hi.” You sheepishly smiled back. “Not so tired anymore?” He shook his head, another kiss to the top of your head. Luke loved to kiss you, he loved it more than anything else in the world. He’d worship you all the time if he could, bury his face in the warmth of your skin, in the plump pink of your lips and softness of your hair. God, did he use that mouth well, he used it with every intended purpose it had and you couldn’t be happier with how much he loved taking the action just as much as you did receiving it.

His lips continued to wander, and your half-asleep mind just let him go. A pleasant hum escaped your lips as you lay there, soaking it all in and tilting your head to the side to encourage his path of sweet destruction against your skin. Luke’s kisses started to get a little less innocent and more passionate in seconds, you could feel him smiling. It made you smile too.

“Whatcha doin’?” You murmur against his hair once he gets to your collarbones, mulleted curls tickling your cheek and jaw.

“Mmh,” Luke answers, poking his head up slightly to look at you. His lips were already pink and kiss swollen, shiny and soft… that lip balm was really working out for him.

“Jus’… be quiet.” He whispers, pecking your lips shortly yet filled with affection. Honestly, there was no room for argument. You had to let the guy do his job, which was pleasing you.

“Kiss me again, then.” You reply back in that same tone of voice, hand drifting towards his cheek to pull him closer. It was his cheek, then his jaw, neck — back of the neck to stroke at his hair and bring him closer. Luke rested his forearms on either side of your head and brought his chest down to yours, the rise and fall of hasty breath pushing against each other and fighting for that centimeter of space between your bodies.

Nothing about this felt like a fight, his lips handled yours with care and vice versa. Luke wanted to distract you, but he unfortunately didn’t have enough strength to hold himself up on just one arm. Instead, his body weight shifted to one arm which broke the kiss and left you panting. You watched his face, focused and struggling slightly as you felt his thumb against the waistband of your underwear.

“Need help?” You raised your eyebrows, his gaze flickering back up towards yours, but looking away nearly immediately after.

“No, I got it.” Luke protested, the blush on his cheeks matching the shade of those lips you couldn’t get enough of. And he did, he got it eventually and helped shuffle the fabric down your legs with not a lot of ease, and his own boxers were no issue.

“I dunno how you sleep with socks on…” Now this wasn’t a very sexy observation, but it was something that was produced from your sleepy mind that would leave immediately if you didn’t voice it soon.

“Really? Right now?” Luke rolled his eyes with good nature and shifted his weight back to normal, hovering over you completely. “I don’t know how you sleep without them.”

“I get warm easily.” You pouted, both arms now around his neck.

“Is that why you always shove me away when we cuddle?” Luke’s eyes sparkled, something about admiring the way you were able to be so sweet and funny without “ruining” the mood.

“When you cuddle me? Something like that.” You broke that pout with a smile, eyelids fluttering shut as your lips met again. Slow and smooth, his tongue slipping inside your mouth at the same time as he slid inside you. Your lips parted with a gasp and Luke insisted to keep you quiet.

“Shh, shh…” He hushed, his knees taking most of the weight to control the pace at which he entered you. No matter how many times this happened, it would never, ever get old. “You’re beautiful, so fuckin’ stunning, you know that?”

Your breaths came in short gasps, whimpering and moaning into his mouth and he swallowed down every sound. “I.. I love you,” You stammered, frowning as he stopped the movement of his hips and looked down at you.

“That’s not what I said,” Luke smiled gently, his eyes crinkling in the corners made it impossible not to smile back at him.

“I do, I know that.” Clearly, he was happy with that answer because his hips started to rock again. The mattress withheld your weight with much more confidence than your standard hotel, they were slow yet forceful and your moans threatened to turn into screams of pleasure. Instead, your eyes glistened with unshed tears and they started to prickle at your waterline. Your hands tangled in his hair, desperately tugging him down for another kiss with shaky hands, trembling legs as pleasure rocked your body.

“Luke, baby—“ You were cut off with another kiss, if you wanted to call it a kiss… Luke just sort of face planted for you and your lips pressed together.

“I know, I know. Me too.” He gasped as well, your sounds becoming more urgent and shaky due to the endless rock of your bodies. That climax hit quick and hard, burying your face in his neck so you weren’t too loud. It required a bit of extra effort and clearly the force of your orgasm was driving you crazy, your teeth prodded and poked at the soft pale skin of his neck, slightly tanned by the European summer.

It was like clockwork, him following right after you and making a mess of the sheets that, thank god, you only had to sleep in for tonight until you were back traveling again. It was a cleanup for another time, and definitely not now. It felt too good being tangled up like this and quietly enjoying the warmth and comfort Luke’s body brought to you, he was still in that t-shirt he slept in which was a clue that the two of you were obviously too lazy to take anything other than what you needed off.

“Did that wake you up?” He grinned, back to peppering kisses across your cheekbones and the tip of your nose.

“Definitely.” You giggled, trying to kiss him back, but he was just too overpowering. The room was still dim with a few rough streaks of sun coming through the curtains, a perfect little atmosphere within the chaos of these last few weeks of touring.

[warywind]

Dergtober 19-24

I've fallen behind, oops.

Day 19, Lair, is the first day I missed the day of, and I guess I’m making up for it with something complicated. Instead of attempting a seriously complex landscape that would be the Grotto, I decided to make a (still very rough) comic strip of how the Grotto is hard to find thanks to an enchantment on it. Here Aella, Cadmus, and company are bringing a new friend home, to poor Caesura’s increasing confusion as the enchantment takes effect. They should be alright so long as they stick close to members that are sending good vibes their way, but if they tried this on their own they’d get pretty hopelessly lost.

The dialogue: 1. CAESURA - Are you sure this is the right way? I’m getting this strange feeling I should turn back. 2. AELLA - Oh, we’re fine. We’re getting pretty close now. 3. CAESURA - But I don’t… see anything. 4. AELLA - Don’t you know? The plateaus are full of rises and valleys and corners hidden away. It’s like poetry. 5. AELLA - You need to look carefully to see the full beauty of it. 6. AELLA - Just stick close to us and don’t try this on your own, yeah? That could go badly. 7. CAESURA - ???

Day 20: Weaver, featuring Aletheia because she's the only dragon so far with the weaver gene (I literally started brewing it on the 20th), and because it suits her thematically for spell-weaving and general shady, spidery vibes. She's involved in the black market and serves as a fence for the band of thieves the dragon featured in day 4, pirate, is in. She has being mysterious down to an art and loves to play minor tricks, but she's actually pretty nice in-person and doesn't involve herself in any violent crimes.

Day 21: Gloom, welp, I was teetering dangerously close to burnout (hence missing a day), and the sister in this drawing happens to be the only dragon in my lair with gloom the color, so I took the extra lazy route and added a few more lines to Day 14 along with a rough pass at her wing color. I split drawing 19 between the 20th and 21st, so there was still some new drawing going on, haha.

For Day 22: Craft, I gathered a bunch of crafdragons whose trades wouldn’t require them to stay by a forge or other equipment for an impromptu craft circle. We’ve got Gauge and his familiar Archlute (an imperial luthier who makes lutes and similar instruments for large breeds), Wisp (a tundra that makes lanterns and who I imagine started the whole idea since she isn't in the Grotto very often), Jasper (a pearlcatcher that works several trades, but primarily handmade beads), Pruino and his familiar (a tundra librarian, currently working on transcribing a book into a larger size, he’s shy enough that it would take someone like Wisp to get him to come out and hang), Deciduous and his familiar (a pearlcatcher of several trades, including woodworking and painting), and finally Deci’s mate Shiitake and her familiar Resin (a mirror that carves bones). There are enough craftsdragons around that there probably are little crafts circles all the time, but while these dragons are individually friendly, I don’t think they’re close enough to make one unless someone else (Wisp!) decides to drag them together.

Day 23: Mask, featuring Minstrel, who has the most iconic mask of my dragons. She made her feathered performer’s mask herself and hardly ever takes it off. This day officially marked my account turning 11 years old, which made me want to do something special, but at the same time I had little time and had decided this one had to be Minstrel since the start of the challenge. I‘m not fully happy with how the mask looks-- it's too short and rounded, the swirls look a little too much like an angry face, and the feathers should definitely be bigger, but there’s always time to adjust it after the challenge.

Day 24: Alchemist, featuring Amalbert teaching younger alchemist Altair a few tricks. Amalbert doesn’t have as much lore as he should for how long he’s been around; he’s what popped out of the egg I brewed when bogsneaks first released, and aside clearly being an alchemist and getting a name that teases him over how hard I found his colors to work with, he’s close to a blank slate. Very satisfying to draw, though! I haven't drawn a bogsneak in ages and I enjoy how different their shapes are from most FR dragons. Altair dabbles in a number of arcane arts, so he’s passable as an alchemist but hasn’t had the focused study that a full-time brewer would.

Day 25: Treasure brings the return of Archai and Jewel because the sliver of them in day 16 isn't enough love for them, and Archai is probably the dragon that would be most excited about finding traditional treasure. Some poor dragon with a traditional style hoard is going to wake up tomorrow and discover that some of his shiniest trinkets have disappeared without a trace. And of course Archai's hugging Jewel because she will always be his most precious treasure. I don't think I quite nailed the faces, but this drawing is a keeper and I look forward to cleaning it up after the challenge.

[preciadosbass]

21/8/24 [1X DIY <collage> — technically a draft from yesterday as it was posted on a schedule, key + significant photos at end]

wow, i’ve been doing this for a while now. i woke up at just before eight and listened to frank iero’s ‘new’ single and oh my fucking god its so good. i love frank sm. i scrolled through my tumblr feed until 8:40 when i finally got dressed. today i’m going to adventure island [a theme park] with this person i know. i wish i could call her a friend, but she makes fun of me too much for me to count and i overall just don’t feel comfortable with her. however she’s alright to me occasionally, like today she seemed happy to be around me. i only see her as my mum is bestfriends with her mum, but my mum dosent believe the way she usually acts towards me.

today i got dressed into my silent hill shirt, black ripped skinny jeans, knee high converse, two spiked cuffs [one with longer spikes and without a third row], mcr bracelet, panic! at the disco bracelet, sleeping with sirens bracelet, diy can tab bracelet, and a diy beaded bracelet. along with my kellin quinn necklace, a taxidermy scorpion necklace, a taxidermy raccoon tail and a silver studded belt across the right side of my hip/thigh.] [because i was anticipating cold weather as the park is directly behind the beach, and it’s the warmest outfit i have. and yes, i copied this from mondays journal, shh]

i listened to my main playlist instead of a cd while putting everything on as i added three more full albums to it after listening to ‘this song is a curse…’ [illuminaudio - chiodos, discovering the waterfront - silverstein [[im surprised this wasn’t in it already]], and wires…and the concept of breathing - a skylight drive.] and then went outside to see boris at 9:30 after straightening my hair + putting on eyeliner. like always, i’d already stood in the doorway and said goodmorning upon waking up, but i wanted to sit by him/talk/and cuddle. i didn’t manage to be out with him for long as R [that person im going out with] and her mum/stepdad pulled up on the drive. so i greeted them and started packing my bag on the kitchen table.

while i was doing that, R handed me a monster original and started speaking about how she dosent know what one i like, but i’ve never had any other flavour as i dont generally go out and buy food/drink. it was really sweet of her and it proves that i guess she’s getting more friendly with me. just a few months ago she wouldn’t let me speak about much/would make fun of me constantly/etc. i’m glad that someone thinks of me and that anyone would do such a thing. i hope we do end up being friendly in a friend way, if that makes sense. like i personally consider a friend someone you can trust and open up to, and i hope we get to that point. i think what’s been preventing it is the distance between where we live.

anyway, in my bag i had: my camera [i bring it everywhere], two battery packs [one’s always in there & out of battery], a lead for the battery pack[s], a coke zero, my monster energy, my wallet with my disability access card, my skullcandy headphones, my phone, a tiny bag because i’ve been losing/having my earrings break a lot recently, my safe food, a few band pins that have fallen of my backpack, hand sanitiser, a safety pin [i don’t even know why], and a bat plushie. its not even a comfort plushie, he’s just permanently in my bag since i got him at another theme park, chessington, at the vampire ride. once i’d got everything ready to leave, i said goodbye to boris and me and R’s family set off.

while we were in the car, R suggested making a blend [again, she was acting more friendly which is super nice] but it didn’t work. then i had the idea of adding each others playlists to one another and putting it on shuffle, but that didn’t work either as her spotify was only playing songs off her playlist. either way, it was nice she thought of it. we ended up listening to our own playlists on the way to the theme park. i listened to: shoot the girl first, the used, signal the escape, fall out boy, falling in reverse, patrick stump, and my chemical romance. also on the way there, we saw an older woman with cat face paint on and hair ties that made her look like she had cat ears. i wonder what the occasion was, or if there was an occasion. just something i randomally remembered about the drive.

we arrived at 10 and got in not even five minutes later. we walked over to the stall where they sort out your tickets/passes and R’s mum activated my disability access card. it was super embarrassing because they had to take a picture of me, and it took ages, but everything eventually went through and worked. the first actual thing we did was find a table and put all of our stuff down. i met J and A. J is R’s family friend, and J’s mums bestfriend. i’m not too sure who A is to the both of them, but he went around with us. he’s 19, so i thought it’d be a little awkward, but when we started walking around to the other side of the park to this ride called green scream, i realised it wasn’t going to be.

its a kids ride, but for some reason its enjoyable. unfortunately the photo thingy wasn’t open so i didn’t get to see what we all looked like, but oh well. the next ride we went on was rage, one out of two of the bigger and ‘scarier’ roller coasters. i used to not mind rage, but over the years it’s become incredibly rough and your head hurts for at least half an hour upon getting off. its a shame because it completely prevents it from being an enjoyable ride, but it looks really smooth. we got on and set off up the vertical lift hill, which is honestly the best part, because your head can’t start hurting yet. then you go down this drop which is quite similar to thorpe park’s saw the ride, just less steep. the entire time the ride was running, my scorpion necklace was tied around my eyes. i was scared itd come off because i’ve already had one break without me knowing and they’re really cool/expensive to buy as you need to make sure their ethical taxidermy.

but, it did make the photo look silly. when i first saw it, i thought i somehow forgot to take my glasses of and didn’t notice. i did take a picture of the ride photo but got told off which was really embarrassing lmaoo, there was someone else taking a photo though and nobody said anything so i don’t know what was going on with that. [photo at end] i’m not too sure in what order i went on the rides beyond this point of the day, but i’ll carry on speaking about it anyways. afterwards, we went back to the table to have some snacks and talk a little to J + R’s mum. once we’d done, we went back round to where rage is and went on the blue [outside] water slide as it was boiling and it didn’t matter whether we got wet or not. there isn’t an access queue for this ‘ride’ so we queued up with everyone else and got round to having a turn at around 12:35.

A wanted to go on the green [inside] water slide so we split up once we got to the actual queues for each slide. it went long before me and R got on our raft. i went on the front and she placed herself at the back. we got absolutely soaking wet and the photo of us was so cool because our facial expressions were questionable and you could see the full length of my converse in it. i didn’t take a photo though, as the person behind the stand looked intimidating. afterwards we went back to the table and then went on the indoor ‘scary’ ride. which isn’t scary at all - mind you, it’s another kids ride - but the props and things are cool. it’s one of those rides where you go around in little carts and as you look around there’s holograms/animatronics/figures except it’s mostly monster/clown themed.

while waiting to be loaded onto the carts, my necklace started glowing [photo at end cuz why not] its kinda embarrassing to actually get on the ride. when you have an access pass, you get on first via the exit. but because of how the ride is designed, you have to get on - then they run it around a small bit of track while everyone looks at you. and then the others queuing get on. its so awkward knowing everyone’s staring at you slowly going by 😭. it was too dark to take any proper photos but i took a blurry photo of one of the larger figures because it glows and i think it’s cool. [photo at end] the last time i went to adventure island and on this ride with my mum + prevision, the ride faulted at a small hill and punctured a literal hole in my mums arm, and bruised both of mine, but today it went down it smoothly. thank god.

after getting off, we went on a sky drop. there was another one that had just been made which we planned to go on after. there was a problem with R and how small the seat was so she had to switch to one two seats away from me. the ride itself is pretty tame, but i have a weak stomach so it didn’t feel great lmaoo // from what i remember, afterwards we went round to the rage exit to get a time to come back and get on. it’s hard to explain but that’s how the ride access works. you go up to rides, ask for a time to come back, they add on how long they think people have been queuing in the general queue, and then you come back after X amount of time. so quite a lot of the time me, R and A were waiting at the table/going on smaller rides to pass time.

so, we went back to the table [J & A left] and came back to rage after around 40 minutes + the walk to the ride. i didn’t really fancy going on again, and A didn’t come altogether, but R wanted to do it did for her, although my head was still hurting from the last time we went on. this time, i was smart enough to put my necklace in my pocket. even going up the lift hill gave me more of a headache. and because my neck was still weak i couldn’t really keep my head back to the headrests, so my head was banging on the shoulder restraints. my vision also kept on going completely white. we both felt really shaken up afterwards so we went back to the table and everyone had something to eat. me and R decided to go on some tame rides to calm our sickness. it’s weird that i felt so bad afterwards, im completely used to going on big rollercoasters like the smiler, saw, etc, it’s just so rough.

we went on this mini ferris wheel and it was freezing. it took ages for everyone to be loaded on and while the people at the bottom are getting on, your stuck at the top above the sea, where you get all the wind. behind us was a guy wearing an exodus shirt which was cool, R didn’t think so though. she was making fun of him. carrying on, the ride eventually started and it was actually really calming. [photo at end] you could see the sea and the rest of the park nicely from up there. at this point i was getting more and more exhausted because i forgot i had a monster and i don’t ever wake up as early as what i did and then be full on all day. it finished at 3:10, and then we got the time for the ride beside it. R had been on before, but i hadn’t. i say that, but i definitely have - i just dont remember. the worker said ten minutes so we sat at the table [i rested my head in my hands and nearly fell asleep], and came back at 3:22. it was once again a kids ride, but i genuinely think it was faster than rage. and that has a loop. it accelerated so quickly i genuinely thought the controls had gone haywire.

but, this made it fun. it was the best ride i went on. while we were at the table beforehand, we decided on that being our last ride, so once it finished we packed everything up. we left the official premises at 4 and then got the adventure island fish and chips outside at 4:10. i didn’t have much because i couldn’t check the calories and i could already imagine how bad they were. i didn’t want to seem rude though, as R’s mum had paid half 70% of the price. while we ate, R’s stepdad walked to the car to drive back round to the seaside where we were sitting and pick us up. i noticed a lot of seagulls sitting on the rocks around the kid area of the sea so i took a picture of them with my camera. [photo at end]

i couldn’t zoom in as much as i wanted to because my lens was switched over from the normal setting. i just took it for the fun of it so it’s in no way how i usually take photos, the lighting on the rocks isn’t bad though. he got there at 4:30 and me and R listened to our playlists on the way back again. what came on shuffle on the way home was: patrick stump, panic! at the disco, silverstein, mccafferty, and get scared. we arrived back at my house at 5:40 and i cuddled boris for however long hopefully wouldn’t be considered disrespectful to guests. i also realised that he’d finally had his itch treatment yay!!

i asked my parents how he got along with it and according to my parents, he was vocal, but not agressive out of stress like he usually is. i’m so proud of him. then i went upstairs to my sisters room because that’s where R was. she was just on her phone so i sat on the floor and organised the photos taken today into picture collages. i stayed up there until they all left at 7:40. R was getting mad at me for sitting next to her anyways. once they’d started heading home, i went out to boris, showed my dad some band stuff, and then wrote a lot of this journal. i did this until 9:30 where i went outside properly with boris. i did go and see him every now and again while journaling but not for extended periods as my phone literally wont charge. i came back in at 2:10. while i was out there i noticed there are baby ones of those generously sized spiders that hang out on the driveway at night.

once i was back in the warm, i asked my parents if they had any receipts for my collage as i only had my coraline 3D receipts + a small cutout from the card that came with my insect stickers. it just shows each individual one so you know which ones you’ve got. my dad had an asda/primark/petrol receipts and my mum gave me the leftover paperwork/receipts from adventure island. i finished at 10:45 because it took me ages to work out how i wanted the collage to be set out and whatnot. either way i like the colour combo. [photo at end] after finishing, i went out to the kitchen to sit with boris and came back into my room at 11:20 because my phone ran out again.

i wrote even more of this journal and went upstairs to ask my parents questions about boris at 11:35. around this time, my head started hurting a concerning amount so i took some meds. im aware i sound so dramatic right now but you don’t understand how torturous that ride is until you’ve experienced it and the feeling afterwards. my eyes kept on going cross eyed and parts of my vision were cutting out. i do know i’m not the only one who feels like this after rage, though, because while we were waiting to go on for the first time a woman came off and she could barely walk afterwards. however don’t know whether my eating or sleep contributed/s to how bad my head is feeling. i finished my questions at 1, wrote a few paragraphs of this, and then said goodnight to boris.

i didn’t tell him about my day as my parents told me to tell him tomorrow so my head wouldn’t get worse so i gave him a little spoiler and cleaned the dog food can tabs in the sink. im going to somehow make a flower looking chain charm out of them. i did this while speaking to boris/apologising for going out, things like that. id shown him my collage earlier so i took some different shaped can tabs, the big dog can ones, my collage book, and a j20 bottlecap into my room to put into their assigned places for when i make stuff out of them. [photo at end]

then i went back out to boris and finished saying goodnight to him. because i cant stroke around where his ointment was applied [his neck] its quite a struggle to cuddle him the way i usually would, but i eventually finished at 2:24. i was supposed to be super quick as i wasn’t telling him about today, even though i always wish i could be longer. i then gave him his last meal of the day and he went in my room 3x times while i was awake. my head was still in excruciating pain despite the paracetamol so i went to sleep at 2:50 after finishing this journal. i kept on falling asleep and letting go of my phone/almost deleting paragraphs at a time. so i hope all of this still makes sense.

🗝️ — boris/my cat, prevision/keyworker i have to see instead of being taken back into mainstream education, questions about boris/i ask my parents questions about my cat to verify he's okay + will be okay in the morning. its a compulsive thing and i'm hopefully going to be tested for OCD in the future.

have a good day/night O_o

[alovesreading]

Constant Repeat | Part 7

Summary: Having worked at Focus Creeps for a year, Ella knows that as a production assistant and part of the crew, there’s one important rule: don’t interact with the talent unless it’s needed. But once she meets Arctic Monkeys, and the recording of the music videos for their upcoming fourth studio album starts, the band seem to become her exception. Not only because they treat her more like a friend than just someone else they’re working with but when Alex continuously makes her blush with his flirting, so enthralled by her that he forgets he’s got a girlfriend, Ella finds herself growing closer to him. As videos are filmed, wrapped and edited, the friendship lines become blurry. Situations unfold, secrets are told and others are kept under lock and key, but how long can Alex and Ella endure being stuck in each other’s minds on constant repeat.

Word Count: 16.8k 

Story Warnings: Throughout this series there will be suggestive talk, jealousy, cheating, alcohol and drug use, angst, smut.  

A/N: Happy Friday my lovelies! This is probably one of my favorite chapters and you'll know why by the end of it. Seeing your reactions to this one is gonna be a wonderful birthday gift hahaha, so I'm very excited to see what you think of it!! Enjoy xx

Masterlist

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 8 | Part 9 | Part 10 | Part 11 | Part 12 |

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It was the start of the second week of the year and Matt had just arrived in Los Angeles. Ella had picked Breana up early to go and pick him up from the airport, and she had acted like the couple's reunion hadn't made her tear up. She truly loved them both so much, even if they were a multiplied menace together.

The three went to have breakfast, with Julian joining them shortly after they had been seated. It was a cute little bakery that had some of the best pastries and coffee Ella had ever had, she went there so often that she was recognized by the staff.

"So how were the holidays?" Ella let her cup of tea rest on the table softly to give the drummer her whole attention, hoping to hear only wonderful things about the holiday season in his hometown.

Matt just shrugged, knowing it had been good but like usual, "Really good, nothing too interesting. Got to spend time with my mum and dad, the lads..." But he trailed off, remembering his grand discovery. "Well..." He started with bubbling excitement but when he realized Julian was there, and Ella was very much not single, he decided against telling her. It would only bring trouble. "No, yeah, nothing interesting."

Ella chuckled, sarcastically replying, "Don't sound so sure there."

"Sorry, I thought something worth telling had happened but it's nothing." It was something, but he just couldn't say it. It was a bad idea. "Hope you spoiled this one for me during the holidays." Matt was quick to change the subject, hugging his girlfriend into his side.

Ella smirked, "Surely, I did. I'm sure Julian got a bit jealous over how much time I was spending with her rather than with him."

"These two right?" Matt asked jokingly, with a facial expression that screamed 'can you believe them?'

Julian shook his head, "They're unbelievable."

"Don't go complaining much, most of the time we spend together is when we take those pictures you two love so much." Bre fought, raising her finger up in the air and pointing at both the men accusingly.

Matt lifted his hands up, "Right, right."

Ella wanted to taunt the drummer some more so she added, "Don't show him the pictures from the last session we had, make him beg for them."

"Jesus Christ," Matt scoffed playfully, "Does she always have you begging, mate?"

Ella turned her gaze to Julian, scowling at him. "You will not disclose that information."

"I won't," Julian agreed but then he turned to Matt and mouthed, "Sometimes."

Bre smirked and Matt laughed, Ella smacked Julian's hand which was resting on top of her thigh. The two boys were nothing but trouble.

The next seven days had been just like that, pure banter coming from the drummer, mainly targeted at Ella. He just couldn't hold himself back from teasing her, it was funny seeing her glaring at him all annoyed.

Ella had spent most of the days third wheeling for Bre and Matt, but she truly didn't mind. Julian had started the year with full force, work taking him away most of the week but she wouldn't complain, not when he enjoyed what he did so much and he still made sure to text her sweet things and updates about his whereabouts throughout the day. He had promised her to spend the weekends he had free with her and that's exactly what they had done the weekend before the rest of the band was due to arrive.

When Monday morning arrived, she was ecstatic to go back into the rhythm of things at the studio but much more excited to have her friends back. She was determined to start the year well, having fully let go of any grudges she had from her past with Alex and with her mind set on having things be the way they had been before, when they first had met.

She gave them all a tight hug when she had gotten to Rancho de la Luna.

"How's everything been?" Ella asked them all, and they all replied positively with smiles on their faces. They were brief at telling her how the holidays had been but it all sounded so nice, she was happy for them.

She'd smiled back at them and, once inside, they all rolled right back into the groove of things.

About three hours into the time they'd been there, James had gotten sent the final version of a song they'd done in their last week in LA. They had all agreed in wanting to hear it so James plugged his laptop to the audio system and played it.

The drums quickly drowned the room and then joined the bass which made the room vibrate, the guitar soon came after and Ella was already obsessed with the song.

She hadn't been prepared when Alex's sultry voice started singing, but hearing the first word be the name Arabella got her thinking about how this song was a love song for Arielle.

She cooed internally, thinking about how adorable Alex was for that.

When it got to the chorus, she'd gotten excited over hearing their own version of the 'War Pigs' guitar riff. She'd started beaming at the music she was listening to.

She was slightly confused about the first line of the second verse, feeling oddly personally addressed but it just had to be her brain trying to make shit about herself. She even ignored the fact that the chorus lyrics reminded her of when they were driving down San Diego's coast on the way to that restaurant they visited after Belmont Park.

But when the bridge started and it brought back those memories with each line, she couldn't help her smile faltering, falling down until it completely disappeared. She couldn't believe what she had just heard, her thoughts too scattered to even gush over the stunning guitar solo that was bouncing off the walls by the end.

Ella only snapped back to reality when the last chord of the guitar died inside the room and the lads started eagerly talking about the song and how it had ended up sounding. She was too stunned to speak, having trouble letting the words roll off her tongue when Jamie asked her if she'd liked it.

Forcing herself to smile, Ella nodded, "Oh, yeah, you absolutely killed that Black Sabbath guitar riff." Her gaze was swimming around the room but trying her hardest to keep it from falling on Alex's. "What's the name of this one?" She asked just to make sure.

"Arabella." Jamie replied with a soft grin and she could only nod.

She was so confused, her steps slow as she went back to the settee and focused again on replying to emails but as the minutes passed and the letters on the screen turned into one single blob of unreadable imagery, she decided she needed a breather.

She grabbed her cigarettes and lighter and exited the place. Her shaky legs were barely able to carry her up to where her bike was parked. She plopped down on it, sighing with her head still scrambled. What the fuck? The whiplash she'd gotten from that song was enough to make her want to take the day off.

So much for wanting things to go back to normal.

She sat there, with the sun keeping her warm despite the chilly winds of January, smoking until she felt better. It was on her third cigarette that she had tried to turn the situation around in her head—Maybe he just wrote it a long while ago, she convinced herself and the more she said it, the more it became more factual.

She nodded as she threw the dying bud and stepped on it—It will be the only one about me, he's happy and in love with Arielle.

That's the one thought she kept on loop as she walked back in, going to the kitchen and pouring herself a shot of the studio's brand of tequila. She fucking needed it.

Ella was startled when she left the shot glass with a thud on the kitchen counter and Matt had seen her swallow the gulp of alcohol, "Oi!" He'd exclaimed, "We starting the party early today?" The clock showed a pitiful 12:23pm which made her sigh heavily—it was gonna be such a long day for her.

"Be my guest." Her voice didn't sound inviting at all as she poured a shot for her friend.

Matt frowned at her, "Well if you're gonna be the one starting the party, you should come alive a bit. Damn."

"Piss off." She muttered, no energy left at all to deal with Matt's teasing.

He snorted, "You hated the song that much?"

She shook her head, "No. It was... it was good, just–" She started, but she had to bite her tongue not to spill it out to Matt. "When did you record that one? After I was gone?"

He downed the alcohol without much of a reaction to the taste, "Yeah, we made it pretty quickly actually. I think it might be one of the best and fastest songs we've done for this record so far."

Ella hummed, not knowing what to do with that information. She just turned to the sink to wash the glass and then followed Matt back to the recording room.

When she'd walked through the door, it was like no one had realized how much the song had affected her. Alex was sitting in a chair with a guitar in his hand, next to James and Nick who were also in their own chairs but in front of the massive mixing console.

Their backs were facing her, and she was grateful for that—she was sure her every thought was written all over her face.

She knew she wasn't brave enough to ask Alex about it, to confront him or get any reasoning from him, so she just decided to ignore the whole situation. She had wanted the whole recording period to go smoothly and drama free, but she now knew there was never gonna be a dull moment as long as she was around the band.

Taking a deep breath she reminded herself of her plan of action, just ignore it. And just like that she forced herself to resume sorting through emails, hearing Alex mumbling along a melody he was playing on the guitar.

Isn't it hard to make up your mind

When you're losing and your fuse is fireside?

She heard them celebrate at the sudden composition of the lines, encouraging Alex to go over it again and see if he could come up with anything else. His brain was going a thousand miles per hour, trying to find the perfect words to rhyme for the first part of the verse he was coming up with.

After a few tries he knew which configuration of lines he'd liked better, settling for:

I'm not sure if I should show you what I've found

Has it gone for good, or is it coming back around?

Isn't it hard to make up your mind

When you're losing and your fuse is fireside?

James nodded eagerly, "That's it. That's it mate." he patted Alex's shoulder proudly, "Sounds like a good chorus actually, we can make it one."

Alex and Nick nodded, having worked with James so many times before meant that the band trusted him fully to take out the full potential of whatever they'd come up with.

That's how that day, Ella had gotten back home humming the melody of the song. She dropped her bag on her sofa and ran to her room to call Breana.

She'd told her all about it, trying her hardest not to mess up the order of the lyrics she could remember and asked the model if she was overreacting, to which Bre firmly said no, agreeing that it was something she'd freak out over too.

Breana had helped her settle adding, "He's a musician though, honey, they all do that. Don't be surprised if there's another one there about you."

Ella groaned, "I rather not. I hope Arielle doesn't even notice about this one." She stayed quiet for a few seconds before she whined in dismay, "Why did he have to go and record a song about me when he has a fucking girlfriend?!"

Breana giggled on the other side, "'Cause he's a man, babe."

Ella sighed, "Fucks sake."

"He could've been more discreet though, don't you think?" Bre added, amused. "He literally has your name in the title of it."

Ella whined like she was in pain, "Why are you making it worse?"

A hard laugh was what she got as a response, "And there's also some of Arielle's name there but that's purely to fool everyone."

Ella rubbed her temples, tired. "I just hope they scrap it from the final record, they told me they had recorded some more songs in London back then along with 'R U Mine?' and 'Electricity' so I'm crossing my fingers they do the same for this one."

"Hopefully, yeah." Her best friend agreed, "Just, don't lose your mind about this okay? If there's any trouble with his girlfriend, it's all his fault."

"I will try my hardest. The worst part is that the song is good..." She was truly in dismay but then she heard the muffled sound of Breana's doorbell through the phone and she laughed, knowing exactly who that was meant to be, "Right, have a fun night hun."

Bre giggled, the sound filled with joy, "I will. Love you! Bye!"

"Love you too, bye!"

The line died, and Ella sighed. What had she done in her past life to deserve this? She was so stressed about the whole thing, she was close to start pulling her hair out.

But then her phone rang and when she saw it was her boyfriend, she felt like she could escape the situation for a bit. Hearing Julian's voice was a breath of fresh air, and him telling her he was coming over was like everything had lifted off her shoulders.

What would she do without him?

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Julian having four days free to spend with Ella was the cure to it all. The next few days at the studio had gone by like a breeze when she knew she would be coming back home to him.

But the day she'd come back home from the studio to kiss him goodbye, since he was leaving for a week to work in San Francisco, it had all gone to shit.

Every bit of calmness that Julian had given her after the 'Arabella' situation was thrown out the window when none other than Arielle called her in despair.

"Hi Arielle! How are you?" Ella had asked her in a chipper tone but her whole face fell when she heard the model sniffling on the other side of the call.

"Hi Ellie, not that well to be completely honest."

Ella was completely confused, she wasn't close enough to Arielle to receive a phone call from her during a low moment but that didn't mean she wasn't going to be kind to her and help in any way if she could. "I'm so sorry, is everything okay? Anything I can do for you?"

"I was wondering if you knew anything–" Arielle started but her voice broke and Ella's heart hurt for her, "I saw you were with the guys at the studio already," She remembered the picture she'd posted the day before of the lads just doing their thing, scattered around in the studio.

Ella had no idea what this all was about but what she didn't expect was the model suddenly asking, "How's Alex?"

Her frown got impossibly deeper after that, "Alex? What do you–"

"We broke up." Arielle was quick to say like the words were burning her tongue, "Well, he broke up with me."

Ella pouted to herself, feeling a wave of sadness for the model but the confusion was still very much there because Alex seemed so okay at the studio. "I'm so sorry to hear that, Arielle. I had no idea. I don't think anyone knows... No one mentioned a thing at the studio."

Arielle covered a sob with her hand, heart breaking a bit more at seeing that apparently he hadn't told a single person about it, Matt had texted her earlier asking her if she was joining them anytime soon and that had been a cruel reminder of what had happened, hence why she had decided to call Ella.

"Right." She replied defeated, "I had hoped he'd told you about it, just so I could get some answers."

"What do you mean?" Ella's confusion grew every time Arielle said something else.

"It's just– He broke up with me out of nowhere, Ella." The model took a deep shaky breath and continued, "Can I tell you something in confidence? It's gonna be TMI but I–"

Ella nodded despite knowing Arielle couldn't see her, "'Course you can, it's okay."

But Ella wasn't prepared for what she would get in return, "I'm so sorry, this is so TMI but I'm just baffled," She started again as if she was giving Ella the chance to take it back but at the silence, she sighed, "The night before, Ella, I swear we had the best sex we'd had in months. He fucked me dumb, telling me how gorgeous I was over and over. He called me darling! He's never used that for me before, I–. Fuck, I'm just going crazy trying to understand this."

Ella was shocked. Not only to have to be hearing this but she truly wouldn't have suspected a thing from Alex's behavior—and she was sure the lads didn't know either because only a few days ago Jamie had made a joke and teased him about the singer's girlfriend to which Alex only had replied with a short chuckle.

She decided to ignore the details Arielle had given her, which weren't many but the fact that Alex had called Arielle darling for the first time in that moment had Ella shifting in her place uncomfortably.

"Arielle, I'm so sorry. I genuinely had no idea, he seemed so normal." She sighed, biting on her thumb. "Jamie mentioned you a few days ago, to tease him and he didn't say a thing. He just laughed and kept doing whatever he was doing."

"It's okay Ellie, I guess I will always wonder what happened..." The model sounded so defeated but she continued telling Ella what had happened that last day, "The next morning he made me breakfast and everything, and in the middle of it he just said he couldn't keep our relationship going. Just like that." A curt chuckle came from Arielle, "He almost said that 'it's not you, it's me' bullshit."

Ella winced, "Oh fuck that..."

Arielle could only hum in agreement and then remembered her poor timing, "Sorry Ella, I probably just interrupted something."

"No, no. Was about to go to bed. Don't you worry Ari, truly." Ella consoled her, "We could go out this weekend? To drink and dance it all away? Julian just left for work and I'll be alone for a week, I'm sure Bre will be down for a girls night." Yes, Alex was her friend but Arielle was one as well so Ella wasn't choosing any sides and if there was anything she could do to help Arielle feel better then she'd do it.

Arielle smiled, silent tears rolling down her cheeks at Ella's kindness. "I would yeah, just send me a text and I'll go wherever."

"Sure. Now go dry those tears hun, he doesn't deserve them."

Arielle giggled, wiping her cheeks. "Thank you, Ellie. Have a goodnight."

"You too Arielle, can't wait to hug you soon. Goodnight."

Fucking hell.

Ella had no idea what the fuck had just happened but she'd decide to ignore it for as long as she could. She needed to relax.

So she rolled a joint, and started smoking out in her backyard. In between puffs, she decided to call Breana and quickly tell her everything, also make sure she was in on going out with Arielle two days from then.

Needless to say, retelling everything had left her even more confused and she ignored the silence on Breana's side when she mentioned his use of the pet name for Arielle. In the back of her mind, Ella knew just what her best friend was thinking but she didn't want to give that another thought.

The next day, Ella had been extra observant, her eyes on Alex at all times and by the end of the day, she was fully intrigued.

She'd bitten her tongue all day, waiting for the perfect moment to bring it up but when they were all leaving and she hadn't had a chance to talk to him alone, she basically baited him into staying a bit longer before they left.

Ella asked him for a cigarette, knowing damn well that would make him stay to have one with her. Two minutes had passed of them smoking as they watched the sun die on the horizon, when she gained the courage to ask.

"How's Arielle? Haven't seen her in a while." In her mind it made more sense to go straight to the point, like ripping a bandaid.

What she hadn't expected is for him to hide behind an inquiry of his own, "How's Julian?"

She chuckled quietly to herself, someone's defensive. "He went to San Francisco yesterday night, he's doing a weeklong shoot over there for some city event." And then she turned to him with an eyebrow raised, challenging him to respond to her question.

Alex barely looked at her then, he was afraid that if he told Ella about his new relationship status while looking her in the eye he might beg with them for her to have him.

"We broke up." His statement was simple, not heartfelt at all—it sounded more like he said it fast to get it over and done with.

"Oh," She muttered, trying to contort her face in the best way so he didn't notice she already knew.

But Alex didn't even turn to look at her, he kept his gaze straight ahead of him and took a long drag of his cigarette.

"I'm sorry." She added, hating the suffocating silence.

The singer only shrugged though, "It's okay, just wasn't right anymore."

Her hum was low and quiet, Ella had no idea what to say. "Are you okay?"

He offered her a half smile, "Yeah, why?"

"I don't know, you just seem so normal. Do the guys know?"

"No, don't tell them." Alex silently begged her, "Matt's gonna try and set me up with someone, or worse he's gonna force me to go out on the pull– I can't be arsed."

Ella giggled, fully convinced Matt would. She offered her pinky finger, and Alex locked it with his—the 'death ramps' ring on her skin once again. "Promise."

When she was done with her cigarette, she discarded it on the ground. They hugged each other goodbye and he watched her as she left on her bike.

He shook his head, now that she knew he had no idea what to do with himself. Especially not when he still felt her pinky finger intertwined with his and his skin craved her at all times.

✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧

Alex had seen Arielle's post that weekend, the three girls with tequila shots in hand and flipping the camera off.

He had no idea how that had happened, if it had been something planned before he'd told Ella about the breakup or if Ella had called Arielle and taken her out because of it. But he didn't care much, as long as they'd had fun then it would be fine by him—he thought it was kind of Ella and Bre to take Arielle out to distract her after everything.

Ella knew Alex had seen it, the look on his face was enough to know but she was glad to see he seemed completely fine about it. Maybe even happy, as the singer asked her subtly if she'd had fun, she nodded with a smile and added "Trying to power through the hangover though."

That day had been quite calm, the lads had focused on giving a few modifications to some of the songs they had been making and putting on a queue to finish later. Of course Ella was recording the whole process, she'd left the camera on the end of the table they were all sitting by so the angle had the camera catching perfectly what they were all doing.

They had gone back to 'Fireside', trying to make the verses work with the melody they'd been creating and she had been watching it all unfold from her usual place on the settee so she managed to catch Matt instantly when he went to disturb the footage she was getting.

"Oi! Matthew!" She called out after the drummer had stuck his face right in front of the lenses of the recording device, "Stop fucking with the footage."

Jamie had cackled loudly as he turned to point at Ella, "You've just said 'oi', you're officially spending too much time with us."

"Only because I'm getting paid for it." Ella joked with a straight face.

"Same here." added James, making Alex laugh beside him.

His chuckles were contagious, making the rest of the room erupt in laughter. Ella loved moments like these, it was just pure bliss for everyone around.

The hours were going by and the guys had reached the point where they had exhausted their brains too much over finding the perfect placements for the verses in the song, so they moved on to talking about random shit.

Ella had gotten a call from Julian in the middle of Matt telling his childhood antics and how he'd fake being ill to skip school, so she excused herself to go outside. It hadn't been a long call, just about ten minutes since it was all her boyfriend had gotten of free time while working.

When she'd gone back to the room, it was all a frenzy. They were arguing so loud, she grimaced at the change of volume compared to the crickets softly building up a choir outside as the night fell.

"What is going on?" She couldn't even make up what it was that they were talking about.

"Ella, how many instruments can you play?" Nick asked quickly.

The question was so sudden, she automatically let out a confused, "Huh?"

The bassist sighed, he wanted to prove a point, "How many instruments can you play?"

"None," She blushed as it was embarrassing to admit in a room full of musicians.

Matt turned fast to the bassist, "See! Told you."

Nick shook his head, "No, c'mon, you gotta at least know one. Even if it's simple."

The PA stayed quiet under their attentive stares, thinking about how she'd only really played one instrument consistently at a point in her life. "Xylophone." She mumbled to herself, somehow that was even more embarrassing to her than saying she didn't know how to play a single instrument.

"What?" Jamie asked since he was the closest to her and not even him had been able to hear correctly.

She raised her volume enough for them to hear her, "The damn xylophone."

Matt had laughed out loud, whereas the rest of the band had smiled amused at her. She rolled her eyes at their reactions, the only one she liked at the moment was James who was smiling at her understanding how annoying they could be.

Nick turned back to Matt and brought their argument back up, "See! At least one."

Matt refused to accept his defeat, "Not agreeing with you until she plays it. She can say she knows but she might not."

Ella sighed exasperated, "Why would I lie dumbass? That'd be even worse. If you find me a glockenspiel then I'll play it for you, dick."

Matt stood up and went to find the percussion instrument not before telling her, "You're on it." as he walked past her.

Five minutes later, she was sitting in front of a coffee table where the thirty note glockenspiel rested. She had two little wooden mallets, one on each hand, and she started getting nervous under the gaze of all the boys.

"I feel like I'm back on fucking eight grade about to perform for father's day, Jesus Christ."

Matt was ready to take the piss out of her so he encouraged her, "Go on then."

She'd rolled her eyes before thinking back to her last few years in middle school and how she'd been assigned band as extracurriculars. She'd chosen the xylophone because she really hadn't want much of a challenge, it was enough that she'd had to be in band to start with.

So Ella hit the first note and after that E note reached her ears, it was like memory had completely taken over. She played 'Für Elise' smoothly and when she was done she flipped Matt off, "Whatever it was, Nick won."

The drummer waved her off like one waves an annoying mosquito, "But everyone knows how to play that song in whichever instrument they know."

She didn't say anything back to him, just grabbed the mallets back up and with a C note she started playing 'Fly Me to the Moon' by Sinatra. Right after she'd finished with the chorus of it, she started playing 'Take On Me' by A-ha and just to shut him up she finished her repertoire with 'Bohemian Rhapsody' by Queen.

Ella remembered the endless days she'd practice that last song until she got it to perfection, her middle school self was really hard on herself—she still remained the same in that aspect.

Everyone but Matt started clapping making Ella blush, "Thank you, thank you." She took a small bow, "I cannot believe I still remember how to play those songs, haven't played since I started high school."

"Well she can actually play an instrument, so your argument is fucked Matt." Concluded Nick with a victorious smirk on his face.

The drummer rolled his eyes and proceeded to stand up, "Whatever, Ella might be able to but I stand my ground."

She was confused but, honestly, she didn't want to bring the whole thing back up so she decided to just stay with the curiosity. "Where'd you get this? So I can put it away." She asked Matt but before he could answer, Alex interrupted.

"Actually, can you help me?"

Ella set the mallets back on the table, "With what?"

"I feel like we should try and make a soft song," He looked for words to describe what he wanted to do, "Like a lullaby of sorts."

Ella slowly nodded, not so sure if she'd be much help but agreeing nonetheless, "Sure, yeah. Just... I never really composed anything so I'm gonna be hitting notes like a dickhead for a while until I manage to find a melody that sounds right."

Alex shrugged, "That's fine. Would you like to go to another room so you can do it in peace?" He subtly nodded towards Matt and Ella chuckled.

"Yes, please."

A few minutes later, Ella and Alex were settled in the keyboard room. She set the glockenspiel on the small table she was sitting in front of and Alex sat beside her with a Gibson J-45 on his lap.

She had no idea what to do first so she laughed embarrassed, hiding her face in her hands. "Alex what do I do?" Her giggles kept going as she felt her cheeks grow hot.

He laughed with her and started playing random chords to distract her, "Whatever you'd like, just go at it and when you play something you like try to write down the notes so you don't forget."

His journal was open then, in front of her with the pen he always used to write resting in the crease of the middle of the open book. The pages were blank and intimidating, she was so nervous for some reason and she didn't want to disappoint him so the pressure was even greater.

But after an hour, Ella found that making music with Alex was truly an easy smooth ride. He'd played different melodies, sometimes along with the random notes she was playing and when they'd fallen on a pattern that sounded beautiful, she gasped.

"No fucking way." She was truly blown away by the fact that she had been able to help in the making of something that sounded actually pretty.

He smiled proudly at her, "That was stunning. You remember the notes?"

She nodded eagerly, grabbing the pen with her right hand to start writing it down as she played it with her left hand slowly.

It was a tiny part, but it was a start and Alex seemed to really like it. Soon, Alex was playing away on the guitar like a door had been opened and the inspiration had just flooded out.

Alex raised his eyebrows expectantly when he was done with all he was coming up with, "That sound good?"

"Beautiful." She confirmed with a beaming grin on her face.

They went over it again and again, Ella timidly adding a few notes here and there which he always smiled and nodded to. She had a good sense of timing where to put them.

Ella listened to him attentively as he played the chorus again, "I think the bass coming on after the second chorus would lift it all up, maybe everyone could come in after it."

He had a thought, "Change it all, maybe to start a bridge..."

Ella nodded excitedly, that sounded great.

They went over it again, he was racking his brain trying to find anything that he wanted to sing about to such a slow-tempo song.

She'd seen times before how he mumbled as he played, trying to find the perfect words that fit the song, and how like that, slowly, the lines came to life.

On this occasion it wasn't different, the chorus being played by him over and over again as he formed sentences. He seemed to have settled for 'Mad sounds, in your ear. Make you get up and dance' and it sounded beautiful.

"What is it about?" She asked as he wrote the lyric in the journal, his handwriting contrasting against hers on the bottom of the page.

"Dunno yet." He stared at the words he'd just written, what did he want to write about?

"Sounds like the start of an ode to music."

His eyes went over the words again, seeing it in that light made sense. Maybe he'd try and make it go in that direction. "You're right, it does."

Ella smiled once again, feeling very much overjoyed at the new experience she'd just gone through. She was sad about the fact that she hadn't caught at least something on camera, having left it in the other room after the battery died earlier.

When they went back to where the rest of the band and James were, sipping on beer bottles as they chatted, her cheeks hurt from smiling. They showed them all what they'd come up with and Alex made sure they heard Ella's idea.

Matt had stood up and crushed Ella in a hug, "That sounds fucking lovely, welcome to the band Ellie." Her giggles filled the room as Matt squeezed her tighter and she tried to get away from him.

"Thanks but I'll leave that to y'all, I'm not a rockstar." Matt let go of her, and ruffled her hair just to annoy her. She shrieked as her hair came all over her face, she poked him in the ribs making him yelp so loud, it got a chesty laugh out of her.

Alex couldn't wipe the smile out of his face, nothing would. Not only had he gotten Ella to be part of this experience but she had enjoyed it, and seeing her genuinely happy was all he wanted. He'd have to get used to not having her with him in the way he wanted, as long as he had her as a friend then that'd have to be enough.

✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧

The days had gone by fast—between songs getting written on and wiped off the whiteboard they had on the room now, demos getting sent and returned, Ross Orton joining James Ford in the production of some of the songs, days they'd stayed well past the time they had planned, spending weekends at different places of the city. The year was going incredibly well so far.

One afternoon of the very last week of January, they had found themselves rather bored and stuck. They had gone to a pub the night before and they'd been absolutely plastered before it was even two in the morning.

Ella vaguely remembered holding Breana's hair back as she heaved in the pub's bathroom from her attempt at taking consecutive shots of tequila.

So they were all wearing sunglasses indoors, the curtains were closed—but it wasn't doing much because they were pretty much see-through—, sitting in the worst positions on the settees.

"Shouldn't we have just taken the day off?" Jamie wondered with a groan, he had drank just enough but having to basically carry Nick out of the pub to the cab and out of the cab and to the hotel was what had exhausted him completely. "Not even James, nor Ross are coming today."

"It was already booked for us, mate." Replied Alex, his head thrown back and resting on the back of the settee.

Ella grimaced as she sat back straighter and reached for her bag, she smiled seeing the ziplock bag she'd brought with her. She didn't even know why she'd thought it would be the best idea to bring them to the studio but if there was a possibility of nursing their hangovers then she'd take it.

"Would these help?" She lifted the plastic bag in the air, it said 'sandwich bag' and it made her chuckle because inside there could be seen five thick spliffs waiting to be smoked.

No one really cared to see what it was. Ten in the morning was too early for them to want to be there, but when she moved the bag around in the air and opened it, the smell of weed hit them so suddenly that they instantly perked up.

Alex straightened up beside her, taking his sunglasses off and squinting to adjust to the light coming from outside. "What the fuck?"

Nick cleared his throat, "Didn't know you smoked."

"Don't be too surprised." She shrugged, getting her lighter and resting the ziplock bag on her lap, "University parties get you started quite easily..." She trailed off trying to figure out how it would work out, "Should we just pass it around or do each of you want your own?"

"Let's pass it around, so we can smoke for longer." Jamie said logically, he'd rather smoke slowly and throughout the day than finish the weed in fifteen minutes and then have to endure the day being sleepy and still hungover.

Ella lit up the first one, taking a long drag of it and relishing in the familiar feeling of the smoke in her throat. She let the smoke out and passed the spliff to Alex, who mirrored her actions.

By the time the second spliff was done, they were chatting about stupid things. They'd gotten hungry and seeing that it was past noon, they all settled in ordering McDonald's—there had been an overall consensus on how it was the best food to have while high.

They had basically smoked the whole day and when they had smoked the last two, consecutively, it was already nighttime. They were all outside stargazing, the blue of the night so piercing that the spheres of plasma contrasted brightly against it and let their presence known to anyone who could catch it.

For some reason she had started going on and on about everything she knew about galaxies, space and celestial objects. Surprisingly, the lads encouraged her to keep going which ended up in all of them agreeing on how, as kids, they thought that by 2013 they'd be driving flying cars and being able to buy lightsabers at the shops—even admitting that they'd thought time traveling would've been a thing already.

That's how they had ended up back in the recording room, completely determined on how they had to make a song about it all. She'd sat beside Alex, reading the things they'd all come up with and nodding like it was the best line ever written. Jamie was playing the guitar and Nick his bass, Matt patting his thighs as he analyzed what his friends were composing.

She wasn't sure what had happened afterwards as she woke up and found herself sleeping on the biggest settee of their usual recording room. Alex was sleeping on the one adjacent and Matt was snoring away on the floor, with a cushion under his head.

Her groan made the two men stir in their slumber. She grabbed her phone that was thrown in a corner of the room and saw that it was five in the morning. Her back was killing her, why the fuck hadn't we just taken a cab home? she wondered as she walked out to the bathroom.

From afar she saw Jamie sleeping peacefully on the settee in the keyboards room and Nick sleeping on the one by the kitchen.

She was grateful she had been way too hungover to actually do her makeup the day before so the smudge of her mascara was very minimal and she got rid of it easily by washing her face.

Once she was done, she went to the kitchen to make some coffee for everyone. She was drinking a glass of water when Nick's voice startled her.

"Good morning, why the fuck did we sleep here?" Since he'd just woken up, his voice was so much deeper than usual and it actually surprised her.

"I have no idea, I don't even remember at what time we fell asleep."

Nick sighed, rubbing his eyes and stood up slowly. "What time is it?"

"Like five twenty" She cringed, it was still dark out but the birds could be heard singing softly.

The bassist cussed and left to use the toilet. She poured herself and Nick a cup of coffee, it was piping hot as it had just been made in the coffee maker the studio had.

It took about half an hour for everyone to wake up, Matt being the last and the one who complained the most.

"Why would yous let me sleep on the fucking floor?" He said through his teeth, making an appearance in the kitchen.

Jamie scoffed, "I tried to get you on one of the settees but you ran back to the main room saying you had to add something to the song."

Ella remembered then that they had all made a song, "Oh my god... We made a song, didn't we?" They all nodded, sipping on their coffees. "Fuck, I don't even know if I wanna listen to it."

But as soon as they finished with their drinks and they had washed and dried it all, they went to the recording room to hear the demo. The bass was prominent in it, and the guitars complimented it perfectly. Alex's voice was slurred and it made them all laugh, but they quieted down at the guitar solo by the end of the recording.

"The guitars are fucking sick in this one." Ella said in appreciation, she was not expecting something actually that good when they had all been in the worst state.

Nick agreed, looping it back to hear the guitar solo once more. "Has b-side potential, to be fair."

They played it once more, hearing the lyrics more closely this time.

It's two thousand and thirteen all across the galaxy

It's two thousand and thirteen

So, baby, take a walk with me

Past flying cars and time machines

There's magic like you won't believe

Ella let the song reach its end to comment, "We are aware that the galaxy is far older, right? Like..." She paused to clear her dry throat, "It was only Jesus who was supposedly born two thousand and thirteen years ago, not the galaxy..."

Matt let out a loud sigh, "Ellie, we're not high anymore so stop nerding out."

"That's just common knowledge–" She argued.

"Ella." He replied sternly.

"Matthew J Helders the third," She said back in the same tone. "Shut. Up."

"Yes Matt, fuck off." Nick sided with Ella and Jamie repeated the same phrase to support the motion.

The drummer scoffed, "Why am I being bullied right now?"

"Because you deserve it." Alex replied this time.

Matt frowned, "I do not."

"I still remember you slandering Bre's favorite Fleetwood Mac record so if you want to keep your stunning girlfriend then shut up."

That had been the only reason why Matt stood quiet for a good ten seconds, and then he told her. "I can't stand you."

Ella gave him a cynical smile, "The feeling is mutual."

Jamie cackled at them, "You two are like fucking siblings arguing, I swear."

Before they could continue bickering though, they heard the front door being opened and closed and by the time they went out to see who it was, they were greeted by the sight of David coming in.

"Good morning everyone," Dave greeted with a smile on his face. "Was coming to check on you, how are you feeling? Slept well?"

Alex nodded, "Yeah mate, thanks very much."

"I tried to get you all a ride home but you all agreed on staying so..." The bearded man added and they all nodded.

"Thank you for letting us stay, man." Matt patted his back in gratitude. "We're just gonna go pick everything up and then we'll leave."

They didn't have the studio booked for the next few days so they gathered all of their stuff up and tidied the rest of the things they had used. They left the place as the sun rose up, Ella waved them off as she took the opposite direction to where they were going. Alex saw the sun hitting the little mirrorball hanging from her rearview mirror, making the light reflect all over the inside of her car.

"Love you guys! Bye!" She yelled out her rolled down window, disappearing into the highway.

✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧

Things had been going normal. After those three days they'd had in a sense of a small break, they had gone back to the studio with fresh ideas and the energy buzzed in the room whenever they were all together.

Ella had been more and more invested in the whole process, sometimes asking each of the guys what different things did or how they managed to get an instrument to sound the way it did in their demos. James had gotten used to having Ella beside him in the days Ross wasn't at the studio.

She was usually there first, smoking away as she waited for them, greeting whoever arrived first with a lovely smile and her arms open and ready for a hug.

That's why at the start of the second week of February, Alex had been incredibly confused at not seeing her already there when he got to Rancho de la Luna at eight in the morning.

He greeted David, asking him if Ella was already inside and when he shook his head, the singer's confusion grew. Maybe she'll be late today, he'd told himself so he didn't worry but just in case, he'd left her a text.

(11/02/2013 08:13) Hi Ellie, good morning. Around what time are you coming today? Was surprised to not see you when I got here xx

Slowly, everyone started coming in and when James got to the studio at around ten in the morning, that's when Alex started worrying even more. They hadn't seen her as she usually didn't go to the studio on the weekends like them, where is she? She wasn't one to just miss a work day or be late and not say anything.

Around noon, Matt had gotten a call from Breana—who was currently out in New York for a modeling gig—and Alex would've teased him about how they truly couldn't live without the other if it wasn't for Matt's worried facial expression.

The call was rather quick and all of his replies were meek, it was strange for him to talk like that with Bre so he started to wonder if they had fought or something, but then Matt had told her "Alright, I love you" with a loopy grin on his face before he hung up that had Alex discarding the thought.

Everyone was looking at him expectantly because the call seemed to have had a negative effect on his mood and they wanted to know if everything was alright.

Matt sighed, "Ellie's not gonna make it today, maybe not even the rest of the week." Alex's heart sank at the thought of something having happened to her that could keep her from going to the studio. "She's not feeling very well apparently."

Alex felt his whole body grow cold and it was an instant reaction for him to pick up his phone and leave the room to call her.

He dialed her number over and over for about ten times but none were answered, so he went back to texting her in hopes that it was just that she was ill and had fallen asleep.

(11/02/2013 12:06) Ellie, is everything okay? Bre's just called saying you weren't feeling good and that you'll be missing the next few days here. Just let me know when you see this that you're fine xx

(11/02/2013 12:07) Did you catch a cold? I'll come over with some soup for you, I promise I make the best chicken noodle soup (either it is good or my mum lied) xx

(11/02/2013 12:08) You're probably asleep and I'm being an absolute knob making your phone ring over and over. I'll stop now but just let me know what's going on. Sending you loads of hugs xxxx

The more Alex stared at the clock, the slower time went by. He was too distracted to care about what was going on in the recording room, everyone having to bring him back to reality every five minutes.

By the time it was one thirty in the afternoon, he hadn't been able to take it any longer so he excused himself and ran outside to call Breana. He didn't even care if he'd be interrupting her photoshoot by calling her over and over, he had to know if Ella was okay.

When he rang her for the fifth time, he got his call answered. "Jesus Christ, Alex, is everything alright?"

He was so relieved the model finally picked up, "Yes. Everything's good. Just... Ella. What happened to Ella? Is she okay?"

Breana felt silent, only the shutter of the camera and the clicking of heels on the floor was heard for a few seconds, "Erm, yes. She's just not feeling well."

"Did she get ill? I've been trying to call her and she won't answer." His voice was laced with worry and that wasn't missed by Bre.

Silence again, "Yes..." Bre replied but it sounded like a question and that's when Alex knew she was full of shit.

"Bre, what happened? Is she okay?" His voice got firmer, he didn't understand why she'd be keeping quiet about anything happening to her best friend.

She sighed, "Alex, she's not feeling well and that's all that I can tell you. I promised her I wouldn't say anything else."

"So something did happen," The singer insisted, "Bre, at least let me know her address so I can go check up on her."

"Alex–" The model started in protest but he was quick to interrupt her.

"Bre, you're far away and not coming back until next week. At least let me be the one to check up on her. I just wanna know if she's okay." He heard her sigh and when the line stood silent he continued, "I don't care if she's just ill and you probably think I'm overreacting, I'd rather do that and find out she's okay than brush it off and find out afterwards that something worst has happened and she's been alone."

"Fucking hell, Alex," Breana cursed, giving into his point. "I'll send you it in a text, but just... let me know how she's doing when you get there okay? And hug her tightly for me, please."

He felt like he could finally breathe, "'Course. Cheers, Bre."

It was only seconds after hanging up that Breana sent him Ella's address through text. His hands were sweaty as he went back inside and told the lads he'd be leaving for the day. He didn't even give them time to ask why, because he was out the door as soon as he'd finished his sentence.

Ella's home was only an hour away from the studio but traffic had held him back forty minutes, he'd been fidgeting in his seat all the way to her medium sized one floor house which was painted a gorgeous light green color.

Alex was quick to park his rental-car on her driveway which only had her car present, he figured she had her bike inside her garage. Without missing a beat, he got out of the car and with long fast strides reached her white door and knocked on it.

A long minute went by and no one was opening the door, he knocked harder and rang the doorbell before knocking furiously again. He heard shuffling behind the door and he was relieved but when the door opened, he felt every bit of worry fall over him like a ton of bricks.

Ella was still in her pajamas—a big gray shirt almost covering her red flannel shorts—, her eyes were puffy and just as red as her nose, her hair was a mess in tangles on a bun atop of her head and she had a glass half full on her right hand.

The last person she'd expected was the singer to be standing outside her door, "Alex, what are you doing here?" She was so tired of everything, she just wanted to be alone and wallowing in self pity not having to worry about how she looked and how she was dealing with the shit show that had just unfolded in her life.

"Hey Ellie," His voice was so soft, she was surprised at how just hearing him had felt like a hug. "Are you okay?" He asked, very much worried but not really knowing what to do.

"How did you even find my address? Did Ben or Aaron give you it, I'll kill them." She ranted, on the brink of exploding in anger. Her emotions were a mess, she was a mess, she had no idea what the fuck to do anymore. Nothing made sense to her anymore.

"No, no, I had to beg Bre for it, but what's wrong?" He wanted to know why she looked so broken or, if anything, he just wanted to comfort her. "What are you even drinking?" He took a step towards her and into her house and she stepped back but with the sigh she'd let out, the alcohol in her breath hit him. "Ellie, it's only three in the afternoon."

She laughed, without a hint of humor, "Alex, I truly rather be drunk right now. I do not fucking care what time it is."

He shook his head, watching her leave so he closed the door behind him and followed her steps. "No, absolutely not." He stated and tried to get the glass from her.

"Yes Alex," She downed what was left on the glass before he could get to her, wincing at the whiskey burning her throat. "I've run out of cigarettes, have no weed, I look too crazy to even bother going out to get shit and all I have is whiskey and a few bottles of wine." She used her fingers to count all the misfortunes that had come after the blow she'd taken the night before.

She turned to the whiskey bottle and poured herself another glass, way too full, but it was what she needed. She took a gulp of it and whispered a curse after it struggled to go down her throat.

"Ella, you're gonna have to stop right now." His words were firm, he was trying to be patient but he didn't want her drinking her problems away.

She rolled her eyes, setting the glass down harshly so the alcohol splashed around it. "Alex– I truly don't need you to be logical right now." She took a deep shaky breath and continued, "Just leave okay? You've seen I'm alive. I'm just not feeling good so just go, you have shit to do much more important than me and my fucking mess of a life." The way her voice broke saying that last sentence had him frowning deeper, he wanted to do something, anything to stop feeling the hurt she clearly was was feeling.

"What's wrong, darling? Talk to me." Alex hadn't called her that in a long time, not after he'd caught his mistake in doing that after that call at the Olympics opening ceremony, but he just couldn't help it. He'd tried to reach for her hand but she'd flinched away at the pet name.

It had made her wince, thinking back to what Arielle had told her the month prior about how Alex had called her that as he'd fucked her dumb. She felt so fucking pathetic, so far from special. Am I the problem? She had wondered that all night, as she cried herself to sleep.

She was tired of crying but she couldn't stop it. She was tired of people making her cry, making her believe that she wasn't worthy of anything.

She slowly turned around, sighing heavily before admitting, "He fucking cheated, Al."

Alex felt a blow to his chest, "What?"

Ella's tears cascaded down automatically, breaking his heart in a million little pieces for her. "He's fucking cheated on me, I–" She started but she had to stop as a sob ripped through her. "And you wanna know how I found out? Because his parents caught him in a lie. He told them he'd be going out on dinner with me and when they went to surprise us, they found him with someone else." Her voice raised as she narrated everything, fury in her eyes and the heartbreak making her tremble.

"He fucking admitted to it to them, how he's been seeing this girl for over a month, but when they told him he had to tell me the truth, he fucking refused." A loud scoff came from her, "His mom has had to fucking call me and tell me because this fucking cunt didn't have the balls to say it." She was so baffled, sobbing in disbelief.

Why does it always happen to me? She'd asked herself so many times, she had given up on an answer.

She sniffled, wiping her nose, "So now I've had to break up with him over the fucking phone because I know I wouldn't have been able to do it in person."

Alex walked slowly to get closer to her, not wanting to startle her. "Ellie I'm–" His words were cut by Ella's words of desperation.

"I fucking wanted to marry him Alex! I thought he was it for me!" Pure agony was what was filling every inch of her body and soul. "We had started trying for a baby." She broke down in loud sobs that made her hiccup as she tried to get oxygen back in her lungs.

Alex had no idea what to say to that, he wanted to do nothing more than to murder Julian after torturing him in the most sadistic ways. But she was his priority, making her feel better was what he had to do. He was quick to envelope her in a tight hug, she cried harder hidden in his chest as she fisted his maroon shirt.

Her tears bleed through his shirt and it felt like her heartache was burning his skin. "I just want this hurt gone, I feel like my chest is caving in, Al. I want it gone. Please." Ella begged and her body trembled in his arms. In that moment, all he could think was how he'd do anything to be able to take away the pain from her—he'd carry all of her burdens if it meant she'd be eternally happy, like she deserved.

His left hand was rubbing up and down her back, his right hand holding her head to his chest. He softly shushed her trying to calm her down in the slightest, he had never been good at consoling crying women, but for Ella he'd try and excel at anything she needed from him. "It's gonna be alright Ellie, I promise. You are gonna be okay."

Alex had her walk to the settee with him, she just let him guide her as her cries did nothing but increase.

Pathetic, pitiful, worthless, meaningless, replaceable.

That's all she felt about herself and she hated it, with a deep burning passion.

Alex sat down with her and she scooted onto his side, needing the warmth of his touch around her. She needed someone even if she didn't want to admit it and Alex was determined on keeping his hold on her for as long as she wanted it to.

His fingers started scratching her head, making her relax in her arms. Her sobs started to quiet down after five minutes and her breath slowed down.

"I'm here okay? I'm not leaving." He assured her, looking down at her still shielding on his chest.

She nodded, and she whined softly at the waves of memories coming back to her trying to push her back into a breakdown.

It had been like that since she'd gotten the phone call the night before, she would cry for hours and eventually calm down finding some sleep which was interrupted by the situation being reflected in her dreams, making her start sobbing all over again. She'd only gotten a total of three hours of sleep the night before.

A thought flashed through her head, making her break the hug as her skin crawled in disgust for herself. "I hate this so much," She muttered, recoiling to the corner of the settee, the furthest she could from Alex. "I'm gonna have to go and get tested now, not only for pregnancy but for everything else 'cause I don't even know who he's been fucking. I feel so disgusting."

The singer scooted closer to her, rubbing her arms which were hugging her folded legs closely to her chest.

"He's an absolute prick. I'm so sorry, Ellie. I really truly am." His honesty was so clear but she couldn't take it.

She started crying again, shaking her head. "You have nothing to apologize for. He should be."

That made Alex scowl, "Did he not?"

Ella chuckled entirely unamused at the memory of her phone call to him that had happened earlier that day. "He did, over and over but it just made me sick. He said it so many times it started sounding weird. He didn't mean it at all. He's only sorry for himself, that he got caught."

"I want to kill him." Alex said simply.

Her face contorted in pity for herself, because she still felt how much she loved him. "I want this to be a sick and twisted joke." Her chin wobbled, and he knew exactly what it meant.

Of course she still loved him. That's the type of person she was, always a giver. And she never half assed anything so when she loved, she loved in the very best way: passionately and endlessly. He knew that from the way she talked about her family, her friends, her hobbies, her job.

She threw herself in his arms again and sobbed away, none of them noticing how she was basically straddling his lap and how her breasts were pressed against his chest. Her face was buried on his neck and his arms wrapped around her again, the same way they had been doing before. He could feel the erratic thumping of her heart on the other side of his.

It had been an hour that it had taken Ella to exhaust herself to sleep. When her breathing slowed down and he heard one of her soft snores in his ear, he felt relief flooding his system. He knew then that hated seeing her cry, he hated seeing her in despair, sleep deprived—her dark circles were prominent when she'd opened the door and the sunlight hit her face—, relying on alcohol to drown her sorrows.

She deserved so much better.

He stood up from the sofa with her still in his arms, slowly to not wake her up but not even if he had been more careless could she have startled awake. She was in a deep sleep, having found comfort after long hours of misery.

He set her down on her bed, which was still unmade but not that messy which confirmed to him that she hadn't slept well at all the previous night. The covers were soon over her and all the way up to her chin, she'd let out a sound of satisfaction as she snuggled her pillows.

Alex decided to kick his shoes off and sit beside her, watching her peacefully sleep. Sometimes she'd flinch and start crying, hot tears falling from her closed eyes and wetting the pillow under her head. He'd rub her back, whispering 'you're okay, you're okay' until she settled back down, but it hurt him having to see her like that in the first place.

He felt so helpless.

After about three hours, seeing that she was in deep slumber, he thought it would be good for him to get some food. She had definitely not eaten at all that day so she'd be hungry when she woke up. He slowly put his shoes on and exited her house, grabbing her house keys and writing a little note before leaving.

Alex let himself smile fondly at the Tennessee keychain she had, a little silver cowboy boot it was and it reminded him of her mirrorball.

He had seen a few restaurants about ten minutes from her house so he settled for proximity rather than finding a restaurant he knew was good. The thing he least wanted was for her to wake up and see him gone, even if he had left a note.

The singer had decided to get some films from the redbox rental her neighborhood Walgreens had, wanting her to get distracted and enjoy herself for a little.

Despite him rushing to get back as soon as possible, and getting annoyed at himself for taking much longer than anticipated, when he got back she was still asleep. But it was eight in the evening then, so he had to wake her up to have her eat.

He dropped everything he'd gotten slowly on her kitchen counter and he walked carefully into her room. The bed dipping beside her had her stirring, so he felt less bad when he started brushing her hair back and softly whispered her name to have her wake up.

She'd hummed in response to hearing her name being called and he grinned at her pout, she was so effortlessly breathtaking—it was beyond his understanding.

"C'mon darling, I brought you some food." He finally said and she mumbled gibberish in response, "There's ice cream too and some films."

Her eyes slowly peeled open, her pout was replaced by a frown because she didn't remember much of how the hell Alex had ended up in her house.

Regardless, she rubbed her eyes awake and yawned. Slowly but surely she got up and threaded to the bathroom to freshen up, Alex told her he'd be serving their food in the kitchen and to join him when she was ready.

Twenty minutes later, she was out of the bathroom. Freshly showered, with her hair damp and wetting the back of her shirt. She'd changed her pjs for a 'Queens of the Stone Age' big shirt and some joggers.

Alex wanted to coo, seeing her hugging herself as she walked to the living room where he had set everything up. Italian food—her favorite—, a few bottles of Mexican coke he'd found in a bodega next to Walgreens, and 'Sherlock Holmes' ready to play on her TV.

Ella felt a knot tightening up in her throat, she was sure what she'd needed was to be miserable by herself until she'd cried all of her tears but seeing him there, sitting in her living room after having brought her food and shit that would make her feel better with the sweetest smile on his face, reminded her that she needed someone to help her during tough times.

Her pout grew on her face, and Alex was quick to stop her from getting herself worked out over nothing. "Hey, Ellie. It's okay, c'mere." She nodded and walked towards him, tears slowly filling her eyes and threatening to spill. He turned to her once she was sitting beside him and brushed his thumbs on the apples of her cheeks, "Don't cry okay? Let's watch a film and eat well so we can have a good sleep tonight, yeah?"

A tear slipped down and he was quick to wipe it, he pressed a kiss on her forehead to then turn and grab her plate for her. "Here," He handed her the plate, "Spinach ravioli bolognese, your favorite."

A pathetic little chuckle fell from her lips as she received the dish, it indeed was her favorite. "Oh, you remember."

He watched her as she placed the plate on her lap, sitting straight next to him. "Of course I do. I remember loads of things," But it wasn't about that in this situation, so he got her excited for the movie. "Have you seen this one? People say it's great."

Ella had been sure she wasn't hungry but at the smell of her favorite food reaching her nose, her stomach growled. She blushed, shaking her head at Alex's question, "I haven't, no."

Alex smiled at her, and pressed play but as the opening credits rolled, he pushed her softly to start eating. "I wanna know if you like it, try a little bit."

"Well, how different can it be from any other place? I'm sure it's good." Ella replied as she stirred some of the sauce around with her fork.

"Just a bite," He negotiated, "For me?"

The pout on his face seemed to twist her arm, she gave him a tight lip smile before she shoved a bite into her mouth. Her smile got bigger then, as she savored the food. "It's really good," He smiled, pleased to see that she liked it. "Thank you, Al."

He nodded before grabbing his own plate and they both ate slowly as the film played. It had gotten her giggling and quietly gasping at different moments, which made his heart swell inside of him. When the end credits rolled, he asked her if she'd liked it to which she gave him an excited nod of her head. She was smiling, small grins, but it was what he wanted to get from her.

Alex took the dishes to wash them and Ella followed after him with the empty coke bottles and complained about him doing the dishes in her house. He just stared at her right in the eyes as he quickly washed what they'd used and his smirk got bigger the more she complained.

"You're annoying." Ella simply stated when he was done.

Alex chuckled and walked over to her fridge, "Would some ice cream help you forgive me for being annoying?"

"Maybe..."

She took out two small bowls and two spoons, pointing him to where she had her ice cream scooper and thanked him when he filled her bowl with three big servings of the sweet dessert.

They went back to her living room, to play the next one. He'd changed the discs quickly in her DVD player and played the new movie in record time, "I've actually seen this one already, pretty good. You'll like it."

She saw Ryan Gosling on the cover of the DVD case and nodded, "Give me anything Ryan Gosling and I'll love it."

He laughed, and nodded, "Brilliant." and turned to watch the screen just as 'Drive' showed on the screen.

About thirty minutes into the movie, Alex's phone started going off so he excused himself to go outside and pick it up.

It was Breana, who had been texting him over and over because he hadn't given her an update on Ella like he'd promised. He cursed under his breath and closed the door behind him. He'd told Ella to keep watching but she was honestly just trying to please him by watching it with him. She'd been lost in her thoughts all through the start of it, seeing the main characters subtly flirt with one another had made her tragedies catch up to her again and made her silently crumble.

She'd left two of her windows open since the morning, when she'd been smoking her sorrows away until she ran out, so she could hear what Alex was saying.

"Hi, I'm so sorry," She knew he'd lit up a cigarette because she could smell the burning tobacco making its way inside her house. "Got caught up with everything and forgot about my phone." She heard nothing but silence for a few seconds until he started debriefing, "She's okay. I had her sleep for a few hours and got her food, we've been eating and watching some films." She was so confused as to who he was talking to but then he mentioned a name that had her in the brink of tears again. "Bre, I–. Yes, she was crying a lot but she's stopped for now." She wanted nothing more than for her best friend to be there but, alas, Ella's life seemed to be highlighted by always having the worst timing. "If she lets me then yes, I don't want her to be alone while she's going through this. Much less if there's a slight possibility of that cunt coming to bother her."

It didn't sound like jealousy in his voice, just plain anger at what Julian had done to her and in that moment she realized that maybe Alex and her were meant to be friends. Despite the direction things had taken when they'd first met, maybe they were meant to have a strong friendship so they could be there for each other, have each other's backs.

Ella realized how good it felt to have him there with her, because he understood her in a way that only a few people did and he made her feel calm. She needed that.

His voice could be heard further away as she went to her kitchen after pausing the movie and saw the other things that Alex had bought for her: two little bags of gummies, a dark chocolate bar, another Mexican coke, and a pack of Marlboro reds.

He was a life saver, truly.

She opened the pack and grabbed a cigarette, placed it on her mouth and, after closing her windows down, she joined him outside.

He'd gotten scared by the sudden movement at the door behind him, she laughed as she came to stand beside him and he lit her cigarette up at her silent question for it.

"Thank you." She muttered and he smiled in response.

Alex nodded and hummed at whatever Breana was saying, "Yes, Bre, I know and I won't. You have my word." A cloud of smoke left his lips when he chuckled, "I'll text you later, bye."

Ella watched through the corner of her eye as he hung up and placed his phone in the back pocket of his jeans.

"Thought I told you to keep watching without me." His gaze came over her, watching her relish in the bad habit they both had.

"You did, but I needed a breather." Ella admitted.

Alex nodded and they both fell to their tangled thoughts. She was lost trying to find answers to the one question echoing the most in her head, why? And he was stuck thinking about what he could do to switch her hurt for brief moments of joy.

"Are you feeling better?"

It took her a minute to answer, her eyes lost in the sky and the sight of the moon. So beautiful and unbothered, shining over every single person on Earth so effortlessly.

"It's a weird thing, honestly. I feel just... numb. Like I'm in shock and don't even know if what's happened is real but then I suddenly feel it all coming over me like I'm getting swallowed by fire and I'm burning alive, but somehow the emptiness I feel in my chest overpowers it all." Word vomit, that's what it had been and she shook her head at herself. "I'm talking out of my ass, aren't I?" Pathetic.

But when Alex instantly shook his head, she felt relieved. "No, you're not. He deserves hell, Ellie, not you. And he surely doesn't deserve your tears or your heartache." He threw the last of his cigarette on the floor and took two steps to be right beside her. He threw his arm around her shoulders and let it fall until he could hug her tightly to his side.

She let her head fall on his shoulder, "I've begged for hours that this is a nightmare but I've pinched myself enough times to know I'm unfortunately awake."

"I'm sorry, Ellie." He kissed the top of her head, and then rested his cheek on it. "But I know you, and I know you're gonna be okay. The shadow of his actions that's following you right now will wither away in time, but it will haunt him till the end of his days."

Tears had started falling again but this time in frustration when she explained, "I hate that my brain wants him to suffer but my heart is begging to spare him some mercy."

"Your heart will catch up, just be patient with it."

He was so good at just saying things like that, it blew her away really. "God, you're so poetic. No wonder you ended up a musician." She felt his chest tremble as he laughed, the cold breeze was a nice contrast to the warmth she felt by being held by Alex. "Thank you, by the way."

That had him lifting his head to look down at her, "What for?"

Ella was still pressed to his side but she tilted her head back slightly to look up at him. "The food, the movies, the candy, the cigarettes, letting me ruin your shirt with my tears, letting me ruin your day with my tragedies, begging Bre for my address, spending the day with me..." She was glad he was there, she was glad to have him. "You're a true friend, Alex Turner."

It hurt, 'friend', but he promised himself that that'd have to be enough for him so it would. He gave her the sweetest smile, "No need to thank me darling, I will always be here for you. No matter what." And he meant that—even if he was on the other side of the world, he was determined to always be there for her. "And you didn't ruin my day, if anything you saved me from Matt being insufferable since Bre is in New York."

She giggled, wiping her tears with her right hand. "Ugh, yeah. He must be unbearable."

Ella decided she was done with her cigarette, so she flicked it and watched it die in the ground of her driveway a couple of feet from her and Alex. She brought her arm to circle around Alex's waist and squeezed him softly, "Let's go back inside."

Alex nodded and dropped his arm from around her, Ella started walking ahead of him back to the front door but stopped in her steps when Alex spun her around by her wrist and crushed her in a hug.

"That one's from Bre," The singer said in her ear, "Forgot to deliver it until now, sorry."

She melted in laughter in his hold. He was such an idiot and she was so damn grateful he'd pestered Bre into giving him her address because she truly didn't know what it would've been of her if she'd spent the day completely alone.

They went back inside and finished the film, which ended up being really good and she'd be sure it would be one she'd watch more times in the future. It wasn't too late, barely midnight but she was falling asleep slowly, the exhaustion catching up to her.

Her yawn made him turn to her, he was gonna have her go to bed and then leave but she offered him to stay before she could even stand up from the settee.

Alex accepted, of course. If Ella hadn't offered, he knew he'd go back to the hotel and then be at her door in the morning to make sure she was alright.

She showed him the guest room and reminded him of where the bathroom was. She'd offered him clothes for him to sleep in but he kindly turned them down as he was fine just sleeping in his underwear.

He had managed to get some sleep for a few hours when he was suddenly woken up by her sobs at three in the morning. He wasn't sure what the noise was at first, too sleep drunk to grasp any logic but when he realized it was her crying, his heart broke.

Alex debated within himself if it would be good to just go and get her to calm down or if he should just let her cry it out but when he heard silence and then another heart ripping sob, he got up and walked to her room.

He knocked softly on her door twice before opening the door, his heart broke seeing her against her headboard hugging her legs. The brightness coming from her phone screen was the only thing keeping the room from being absolutely pitch black.

She saw him blurry through the tears, his hair ruffled and his clothes on his body messily. He hadn't had time to properly button his shirt up, too busy trying to check on her as soon as he could to put every button in its correct place.

"Ellie..." Alex cooed, approaching her as she sniffled, trying to calm herself down.

The second he reached her bed and sat beside her, he saw exactly what she'd been doing. She'd been looking at pictures of her and Julian, not the ones that she'd post but the random domestic ones like the one currently frozen in time on her phone. She looked to have been doing her makeup when he interrupted with a hug, their smiles so big on their faces it made her shiver—it felt like those two people in the picture were making fun of her.

Alex locked her phone and in a quick motion hugged her to his chest.Ella broke down all over again, clutching him like it was the only way she'd hold onto reality and not lose her mind altogether.

"Let's not do that, alright?" He suggested, rubbing her back.

She trembled under his touch from the force and continuity of her sobs, it had been such a stupid idea to go through her phone before going to sleep. Her nod was so small that he'd missed it but he continued on consoling her, pressing kisses to her head and talking in her ear.

"You're okay. He's a fucking idiot. He doesn't deserve your tears. He didn't and doesn't deserve you."

There was sweet conviction laced in his words, somehow Alex telling her helped more than if she tried to tell herself. It resonated more, it echoed louder inside her mind.

"I just don't understand it." Ella hated having to bring it all up again, but when it was all silence around her was when the questions would hunt her down. "A fucking month, he's been fucking someone else and sneaking off while I've been here like a love struck puppy stupidly waiting for him to come back. I feel so used and so stupid."

He lifted his head from where it had been resting on top of hers, so that she'd look at him. It was so dark but he could clearly see the soft sparkle of her eyes. "You're not stupid, Ella. You're the smartest one of us all."

She bit her lip trying not to cry again, chin wobbling at her naivety. "I'm clearly not. I didn't see it happening right in front of my eyes. Fuck knows if she was the only one." She let her head fall back, pressed against her headboard while she stared at the ceiling. The ceiling was the only part of her room she could see that didn't spark memories. "He's everywhere I look, Alex. Every inch of my house is tarnished with him and it's making me feel sick."

Her breath faltered, tears rolling down the corner of her eyes and falling down her temples. She'd started spiraling when she closed her door and suddenly her eyes seemed to only fall on bits that reminded of him. And she had tried her hardest to ignore it, to just think of anything else and let it pass but her heart ached to look back at every moment they'd spent together and she'd been too weak to say no.

Too weak, too naive. Stupid, stupid, stupid. All she felt was stupid.

The more her tears fell on his shoulder, the more Alex could hear her heart tearing apart. "I know, darling. But it will get better."

She straightened up, as her insides filled with anguish. She had no hope left. "I don't see how it can. He was everything. My everything."

He squeezed her tighter and she lifted her head up to rest on his shoulder again. His hand unwavering as it rubbed up and down her arm, warming the coldness in her. How could someone blatantly ruin someone like this? It was so insolent. "I know it's easier said than done, but you'll forget. You'll make new memories to replace the tarnished ones. And with time, the hurt will go and the beauty will remain." Because she seemed to glow so bright when was with Julian and he'd hate to see her dull away.

Ella started crying even more, "How stupid is it that I don't want to let the memories go though? I do this all the fucking time, I cling to every bit I have left of people until I just become numb to losing them one random day. But it's just an endless loop of torture until I get to that point, why can't I just skip this all?" It had only been a day, and she was already exhausted. "I don't even want to be in my own bedroom anymore."

"I know, I know." His hand left her arm to start scratching her head, he smiled slowly when he heard her sigh in content at the feeling. "But think about how this room could easily become your salvation if you ever accidentally let Matt and Breana stay over. And you know how shameless they can be—you'll have to start a new life just in here so you don't accidentally get flashed with Matt's arse. And believe me you really don't. Not a pretty sight at all." That was his awful attempt to lighten her mood up and it seemed to have worked when she snorted and her body shook with laughter.

In between chuckles she managed to respond, "You're an idiot."

Alex hummed a 'no', faux-defensive. "No, Breana is the idiot for going for someone like Matt. Me and you both saw him when we were high in the studio. That line about the galaxy being two thousand years old was definitely him."

"It definitely was." Ella agreed, why would he have gotten so offended by her correction if not.

"Yeah, we're not that stupid." He further backed his point.

But Ella was quick to scoff, "No, not at all Mr. 'Little tiny fruit coming after you'. How high did you get? Rude of you to not share your hallucinogens with me."

He let out a small gasp in fake disbelief, "I've never done such a thing, Miss Hayes."

"I don't believe you. No one writes such a shit song on just weed alone."

"Okay enough of your backchat." Alex argued, but he broke out in laughter at her chosen adjective to the song. "I know it's shit but it's still getting put out, it was a very monumental moment for us. New band member and all."

She moved her head up and tilted it back to look at him with an amused expression, "Yeah, very monumental with your new Glockenspiel player bandmate that doesn't even play a thing in it." The sarcasm making him giggle and the contagious sound had her giggling with him.

After their laughter died back down, Ella felt the ball move back up her throat. And maybe it was the way she held him that little bit tighter which gave her away, but Alex didn't hesitate to pull her the tiniest bit closer and continue to stroke her arm as he asked, "You don't have to stay in here if you don't want to, we can go in the other room?"

She wanted to accept, knowing at least that would make her feel better but the brief feeling of comfort would end up in something worse, "I won't come back in here if I do that... I can't let him take more from me. He's already chewed my heart up, he's not taking anything else."

"Atta girl, see? You're already in the right direction." He could only encourage her. After all, she was going to go about it at her own pace and he'd just be there with her through it.

"I just want the pain to go away. It's not fair." It really wasn't, she couldn't help but think how she was breaking down over and over while Julian could be enjoying his time with whoever it was he'd been seeing. "There's no way he's sobbing at god knows what hour in the morning like I am. How is that fair, Al?"

"It's not, darling." The whole situation infuriated him beyond belief, he wanted to seek revenge for her but not more than he wanted to strip her of the heartbreak. "I wish I could take it all away for you. I really wish I could."

"I just want it all to go away." Ella begged. It was a plea to life, to whoever was up there that thought it was fine to have her go through that.

"It'll pass I promise, and from here it will all just get better and better for you, Ellie. I cross my heart, darling." He'd find a way to pull the strings of the universe if it wasn't soon that it'll all look up for her.

Her hazy mind was able to grasp all that and it was the last thing she remembered before she'd succumbed to slumber, every atom of her being just giving up after the efforts of the past twenty four hours.

She hadn't felt Alex leaving her after he made sure she was truly asleep so she was the tiniest bit disappointed to find herself alone in bed in the morning, without his gentle touch on her to make her feel like all would be alright.

She reprimanded herself, it was just her being greedy at that point—he had been doing more than enough and she shouldn't be asking for more.

Her movements were quiet as she completed her morning routine, trying her best not to wake him up. He'd probably been up most of the night because of her cries, she felt so guilty.

She started making breakfast, finding comfort in the sizzle of the frying eggs and bacon on the pan and the drip of the coffee coming from her Keurig. The toasts were the perfect golden brown and, as she plated everything up for them, she found herself happy over the small victory it was for her to feel even the smallest amount of joy out of cooking a small meal.

Ella decided to move dirty utensils so she could wash them, carefully placing the hot pan in the sink when she saw Alex walking down the hallway and towards the kitchen. He looked to have just come out of the bathroom, she hadn't even heard him leave the guest room in the first place.

She didn't know if it was because of the fact that she was going through the worst heartache of her life, but the sight of him with his hair ruffled and wrinkled clothes shattered her.

Not in a negative way, not that it made her want to drop to the ground and cry, but in the way that she was already mourning the fact that she'd never be able to see him like that ever again. She'd always found him so breathtakingly pretty, but the image was so mundane that it added a layer to his general beauty.

He rubbed his eyes in the most childish way, she almost wanted to scream because of how adorable he looked, "Smells good." was all he said and she grinned like an idiot, filled with gratitude.

She slid the plate towards him on the kitchen counter, "This is the 'thanks for putting up with me yesterday and I'm so sorry for keeping you up all night', kind of like the most popular breakfast on the menu."

He chuckled, looking at the food and then at her. He shook his head with a smile and walked over to hug her, "You don't need to thank me or apologize for any of that. But thank you very much for this, it looks delicious." His arms held her tightly over her shoulders, she hid away on his neck with a smile and her arms around his waist.

They stayed like that for a minute and she tried backing away but he was reluctant to let her go. She pinched his waist and laughed, "It's gonna go cold, Al. Sit down and eat."

Alex left a kiss on her temple before letting go of her and sitting on one of the high chairs to dig into the food.

Ella watched him expectantly as he grabbed some of the food with the fork and placed it on the piece of toast, he lifted it up and took a big bite of it. It was good, really good but he exaggerated his reaction to entertain her.

His moan of satisfaction had her blushing and giving him a bright smile that reached her eyes. "That's really fucking good, Ellie."

She looked down at her own serving of food and timidly said, "Glad you like it."

They continued eating, settled in a comfortable silence and when they finished, he had beat her once again to washing the dishes.

She was leaning on her forearms, by the sink, sipping on her coffee while she watched Alex. The truth is that she wanted to ask for a favor but she was too shy to ask for something else from him. He noticed though, and it was so easy to read on her face that she was dying to say something.

"What's wrong?" His voice was so calm, inviting her to just use her words.

"I, um," Ella rose back up straight, leaving her coffee cup on the kitchen counter. "Could I skip this week at the studio? I would go but I'm sure I won't be the best company while I feel like this."

A sweet smile appeared on Alex's face, "Of course you can. But I have to ask for something in exchange..."

She got the tiniest bit more nervous with that, "Which is?"

"That you let me come over and disrupt your peace every day until you're back."

Ella didn't know what she was expecting but that made her let out a breathy chuckle, "Yeah, sure."

"I could take the camera and record for you as well, so you don't have to tell Ben and Aaron."

"You sure you can work a camera?" She teased, remembering how bad at checking his phone he could be. "A phone is enough of a nightmare for you."

Alex rolled his eyes jokingly, "Yes, I know how to work a camera. How hard can it be?"

She only shook her head, "Okay, I'll get everything ready for you. Are you leaving now?" She checked the time on her microwave and it flashed a 9:25 back at them.

He nodded, drying his hands with one of her kitchen towels. "Just so I can get over with the day as fast as I can and then I'll drive back."

Her eyes froze on his face after he said that. She truly was so glad he was there with her and so willing to stay around. She nodded, and when her gaze fell to his wrinkled and tear stained shirt she frowned.

"I'm gonna lend you a shirt so I can wash yours," She pointed at it, "I ruined it."

"No you didn't. It's fine." The singer spoke back, really not worrying about it but she was quick to shake her head and leave to get a shirt out of her closet.

He followed and when he walked through her door, she was looking through her shirts. "C'mere, choose whichever you'd like. Those are the biggest shirts I have." She waved him over and he complied.

He grabbed the first black shirt he saw and when he unfolded it, he laughed. It read 'Boot, Scoot, Boogie' and it had a pair of cowboy boots beside the big words.

"It's a good country classic, to be fair." She commented with a very amused grin on her face.

Alex lifted the shirt up in the air, "Thanks, Miss Tennessee."

She felt the squeeze in her chest, the last time he'd called her that was when he'd written it in the back of their photobooth pictures—one's that were hidden away in one of her drawers in between pages of her photo albums.

"You're welcome." Ella gave him a tight lip smile, "Now go get ready, before the guys start calling you non-stop"

He waved her off, "Already told them I'd be running late."

He walked into the guest room to gather his things and put them in his pockets, changing his shirt for Ella's and he knew he'd be in the best mood all day because the second the piece of clothing was on, he was drowning in her scent.

Flowers, sweetness and that small hint of tender woods.

He was already drunk on it when he came out, maroon shirt in hand and with a beaming grin on his face.

Ella smiled seeing him with the new shirt, "Suits you well."

"Thank you, darling." Bet it looks better on you. "I'll be back later, alright?"

She nodded, exchanging the shirt in his hand for the camera bag. "You take care of that like a child, Turner."

"I will, I promise." Alex let his arm drop dramatically making it seem like he was gonna drop the bag on the floor causing her to gasp loudly.

He started cackling, her face tinting pink at how easily she'd fallen for his prank. "You dick!"

She pushed him lightly and he started walking towards the front door, "Alright, alright. I'm leaving now." He stopped as she opened the door and right before exiting he opened his arms to hug her.

Ella gracefully walked into them, he wrapped them around her and made them both sway in the embrace. "See you later, Al."

"See you soon, darling." A kiss was left on her temple before he left.

She watched as he carefully placed the bag on the floor of the passenger side and, when he backed out into the road, he waved at her before leaving.

Her chest started feeling heavy again, those hours without Alex there would be hard but she had to power through them.

She remembered his words, 'the hurt will go and the beauty will remain'. She couldn't wait for that day to come.

✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧

A/N: I think that after this you can come to the conclusion that I'm an absolute whore for some angst, I love it so much. Bless Ella though, so sorry girl. Hope you enjoyed this one, shit is getting real now... See you soon with the next one, thank you a billion for reading! xx

Taglist: @imagine-that-100​ @red---moon​ @kennedy-brooke​ @faveficz​ @indierockgirrl​ @ladydraculasthings @moonvr​ @unwantedlovergirl​ @eaglestar31 @nikisfwn​ @funniestpersoninnyc​ @andrearroe​ @justacaliforniandreamer​ @alexturnersgf69​

[gumikpxp]

Never Gonna Happen - C.BG

Rocker AU

pairing: Radiohost!Gyu x (f)Rocker!Reader

Warning: Cursing, Bad Humor, Teasing, Slight bullying.

Synopsis: She's your modern day hannah montana. a goody too shoes to everyone who knows her, the perfect golden girl during the day. but when she's alone she's anything but allowing herself to let go of her perfect reputation. Then theirs beomgyu who's proudly part of the band txt and radio host of the schools most popular station. He hates her, but shes utterly enamored by him.

Chapter 2. interview?

Beomgyu dropped his bag on the cafeteria floor taking a seat off at the table with a huff.

"remind me what we are doing in here again?" Beomgyu spoke glaring at yeonjun who was currently filtering with a group of girls only a few feet away from them, even having the audacity to sign one of their phone cases. "And why is he always doing that?"

"Kai was hungry and they had pizza today. and Yeonjun just like to get his ego stroked." Taehyun answered as he looked over his math work. Kai hummed as he took a bite out of the abnormally large slice of pizza he was served and soobin was seemingly stared off in space in somewhat of a deep thought.

"so Gyu i was thinking for toxdo, we should try something new, our listeners are pretty good right now but a good way to bring in more audience is to talk about the new buzz." Soobin told him and beomgyu nodded.

Most ideas for the show went through beomgyu cause even though Soobin was the leader of the band, Beomgyu was in charge of organizing and being the main host for their show. Usually accompanied by only one or at most two of his members on the show depending on the day and everyone's schedule.

"okay.. what's the new buzz?" Beomgyu asked since he has been practically a zombie all day ignoring everyone around him.

"The Love Abusers, ever since the night at the club they're all people have been talking about. They're new and no one knows a thing about them. Not to mention no one has seen a single one of the members before and that's pretty rare. Our town isn't the biggest." Soobin spoke as he opened up their notebook for the show that had a list of ideas none of them quite hitting the spot in what they felt was needed.

"Wouldn't that make them out competition? why would we give them yet another platform?" Beomgyu asked not quite trashing the idea only questioning it.

"Not everything's a competition Gyu, remember we make music and host a show cause we like it and it's fun, not to be the best." Kai said wiping some of the marina sauce he got on his mouth with his sleeve.

"Kai gross you have a napkin." Taehyun grimaced. "Soobin what if they don't want an interview? i mean they did stay hidden for a reason. what makes you think they want to be known now of all times?" Taehyun added to the conversation and soobin seemed to be stumped with the question crossing the idea off of the paper.

"Because they finally performed. They brought the light on themselves when they went to the club and introduced their band to the world. Plus it never hurts to ask. I like the idea soob." Yeonjun commented the second he joined the conversation. How he heard it? their not sure but none of the boys would ever understand how yeonjun does half the stuff he does.

"Fine, we can ask. only because i am fully stumped and i really really didn't want to go with kai introducing all his plushies to the world." Beomgyu sighs in acceptance however it left kai a bit heartbroken as yeonjun comforted the youngest.

The boys entered the club that thursday on a mission. Everyone in the club was surprised to see them as they never came to the club when they didn't have a performance planned.

"Soobin! boys? what are you guys doing here?" Jisoo asked and soobin smiled at the owner of the club bashfully.

"Hey Jisoo, nothing much we just had no plans today thought we'd come and see the performance today. See what else the new group has up their sleeves." Soobin said and Jisoo rolled her eyes and the boys.

"so you staking the out the competition?" she asked.

"Told you they were our comp." Gyu mumbled and taehyun elbowed his ribs in response earning curses from the long haired boy.

"Well sorry to break it to you but your usual Table is taken by Kat and her group." Jisoo smiled motioning towards the table the boys were all confused until the noticed the familiar girl band sitting in their seats.

"This is really starting to feel like a competition." Yeonjun mumbled.

"Not really we can't expect the table to be free when we are expected to show up." Soobin told them and Jisoo nodded leaded the boys over to a booth a few tables away from the girls.

"Alright we'll get comfortable i gotta go introduce the group." Jisoo said as a waiter came up to the boys placing a tray with their usual drinks in the table.

"Alright everyone! It's the hour you've all been waiting for! They seem to have stolen the hearts of many and it's only their second show here at the bar. Let's welcome to the stage.. The Love Abusers!!."

The club erupted in cheers surprising the boys as the girls all left their booth and got to the stage situating theirselves with the instruments. However it seemed the lead singer ignored her guitar and situated herself behind a keyboard as their bassist grabbed the guitar.

"Hey guys.. it's great to be back, how's everyone night going?" the lead singer spoke again earning another cheer.

Beomgyu cleared his throat hearing the girls voice yet again. He definitely hates that feeling.

"It's been three full days since we performed and Cas here seems to have gotten herself in some relationship drama." The girl spoke looking over to their bassist as she rolled her eyes and approached her mic.

"Oh please Kat, you can't say it's all that surprising." Cas spoke ranting hollers from the crowd as it was their first time hearing her voice.

"Definitely not, you see guys Cas isn't much of a saint... and because of that i've written just the song for her." Kat spoke as the drums picked up behind her and Cas started strumming.

"I've been a bad bad girl..." Kat started her eyes drifting to the boys of txt as she smirked. The crowd cheered at the beginning of the song.

"I've been careless with a delicate maaann..." her eyes left the group and they all looked at eachother.

"that's a dirty trick." Yeonjun huffed slouching in his seat not strong enough to admit that he liked the song.

Beomgyu took in the melody of the song. He sighed as he tried to wrap his head around the fact that the song was written in about 3 days and already sounds this good.

"Well they have talent. Where have the been hiding?" Taehyun asked and they all shrugged.

"i guess we know what to ask when we interview them." Beomgyu said and they all looked at him.

"oh so now you're very into the idea of interviewing them." Kai mumbled as he drank his limonade.

Beomgyu shrugged. "They're interesting."

"He's definitely got a boner for the lead singer." Yeonjun scoffed.

"shut up!" Beomgyu groaned throwing a salt packet at the older.

"What i need is a good defense, cause i'm feeling like a criminal, and i need to be redeemed to the the one i sinned against because he's all i ever knew of love..." She finished the lyrics off as the song began closing.

the crowd erupted in cheers and they chuckled as cas spoke in the mic. "Look at us gaining popularity off of my commitment issues." Cas joked and the drummer laughed.

"Never tell Kat she can write a song about your love life because she'll drag you through the dirt." The drummer spoke.

"Awe JJ you know that's not true... okay maybe a bit." Kat smiled as the audience listened to their batter on stage.

"Speaking of JJ, didn't she write one for you too?" Cas asked and Kat put her hand in her hands.

"hm.. you know what your right she did, care to share it with the class Kat?" JJ asked with a smile and Kat nodded leaving the keyboard taking her guitar from Cas as Cas went to her Bass.

"my love i missed you." Kat spoke kissing her guitar.

"if that's not beomgyu i don't know what is." Taehyun teased and beomgyu rolled his eyes.



She sighed and began strumming. "Everyone this is Bite me." JJ announced.

"Don't act so innocent this was no accident, You planned this in the end and now it's over.."

"they seem so natural.." Soobin mumbled confused since they were suppose to be rookies.

"definitely they're very comfortable on the stage."

"Beomgyu ask!" Kai mumbled and he shook his head.

"What? me no it was soobin a idea!"

"Oh jeez move you losers..." Yeonjun mumbled. "Hey! Love Abusers... Come here!" Yeonjun waved the girls over and they smiled walking over.

"If it isn't TXT.. coming to see our set? how nice." Cas smiled at the boys.

"Ah so you know us?" Yeonjun smirked at the girl and she scoffed.

"It's not a very big town." She told him and taehyun nodded at that.

"And yet you guys stayed hidden quite well, you're very comfortable on stage you know that?" Taehyun said to the girls and they looked at him.

"we have a very nice garage." JJ retorted crossing her arms feeling a bit hostility from the shorter.

"We'd like to interview you guys, for our Radio show it's called toxdo have you heard of it?" Beomgyu asked wanting to end the conversation his eyes glancing towards kat who off stage seemed a bit timid and was the smallest of her group.

"like we said, small town word gets around. We've heard of it." JJ smiled and beomgyu nodded.

"Are you interested than?"

the girls looked at kat and she nodded.

"Sure, here's my number i'll text you later tonight about it, it's tomorrow right?" JJ asked giving her number to beomgyu and he nodded.

a ringing went through all their ears and Kats eyes widen checking her phone.

"We've gotta go. Like now." Kat said and the girls nodded.

"See you guys tomorrow!" The girls waved as they rushed out the club.

the boys looked at each other from the odd exchanged but shrugged. They got the interview.

songs of the chapter.

Criminal- Fiona Apple

Bite Me- Avril Lavigne

[dojae-huh]

Actually being aways from 2025 doesn't seem that bad for JH after all, he may shoot some ads beforehand, film a new MV, have a record of the collab song and his drama will be out next year so it's maybe a good moment to enlist after all. Fans still have plenty of new things to wait for.

I'll introduce one idea.

SM is the oldest active idol agency. The people who are in key positionы that are related to management and producing (not the finance department) have been working in SM for 20-25 years. And many of them started from simplest jobs and climbed the ladder (i.e. they have experience working on different sideы of the whole process of making a star). Artists like Kangta and BoA, groups like Super Junior and TVXQ still releasу music and (some) gather big venues. And we can observe that things are indeed improving and stabilising on many fronts after the take over and the transit to SM 3.0.

SM as an agency went through many alterations and experienced many pitfalls and turmoils, made mistakes, faced obstacles. And it is still functioning and debuting successful idols (example: Riise, NCT Wish), as well as having patience and resources to push through with the projects that don't become famous right away (example: NCT 127, WayV, Lucas as a soloist).

SM has experience and it has knowledge. Much more so than the fans. Even the idea of a second speciality for an idol (which secures their careers) came from the current co-CEO Tak Youngjun.

My point is that even if the situation right now is not ideal with 127 (hurried Tae's and Jae's solos because of time constraints, a shortened 3d tour because of Tae's enlistment, probably fewer stops because half the members prepared for their solos in parallel, no Jaehyun on year end shows and 127's concert in 2025), we are still in the woods, it doesn't mean it won't improve.

On the contrary. The current order of things may be the better solution, a shorter path to a better future (2026 and onwards).

Johnny - gets new fans from his DJ-ing, makes connections via the fashion world;

Taeyong - gets rest from the leader duties, eats well, comebacks with a new perspective on things;

Yuta - gains more fans in Japan as an actor, boosts his self-esteem with his solo and does something creatively (like merch and his solo image);

Doyoung - establishes himself as a soloist with two albums, impresses on the music world, releases enough OSTs, rejuvenates after singing to his heart content, goes into the military with energy and;

Jaehyun - does stuff he likes (BD party, acting, his solo as LP, showing his true self on variety programmes, participating in songwriting with other songwriters and singers, featuring on someone else's album), gains more fans as an actor and being in an army band;

Jungwoo - advances his career and recognisability, becomes a regular on tv as a variety-host, probably soon: acting + solo;

Mark - continues being Mark;

Haechan - releases a solo.

And then all of them gather eager to give their all again for the group and taking the world, bring in old and new fans and combined slay.

...

Jaehyun's genre is r'n'b, and his target market is mainly the West. Him being 29-30 when he will release his second album and goes on a real promotion is a plus rather than a minus. Same goes for his acting career. His looks are better suited for mature characters and he himself is interested in more serious and unusual roles, not stupid teen romcoms. At 27 he is still a child who is guided, really. His bts vlogs clearly showed it. Being in an army band will give him experience of performing withouth 127, give him more leasure time to think over where he wants to take his career as a soloist, find the balance between Yuno and Jaehyun. Etc.

[0-r-a-y-0]

Hair Dye— Romantic #5

In which: Jasper and Nick do each other’s hair. (And they re-dye Nick’s hair)

Also I imagine Jasper looking like Dominic Fike but like…a metalhead idk.

I had a oneshot planned before this and was supposed to be posted last night but I hated it so much. Anyways for Nick dying his hair red, here I present…this thingy.

Expect a lot of hair oneshots in the future because I love writing about hair

“You get the dye?” Jasper asked, entering the bathroom with some hair supplies.

“Yeah, I bought it earlier.” Nick responds, showing him the bag.

“What color is it?” He quizzed.

“A dark red color. I was thinking about doing a bright red but I don’t know.” The other shrugged.

“Well, I think you would look adorable and hot with any color. Do what you want to do with it.” Jasper said, looking Nick in the eyes as he laid a hand upon his cheek. They share a quick kiss, not wanting the moment fade away.

“How do we do this?” Nick wondered.

“Like you don’t know.” Jasper playfully rolled his eyes.

“I do know what I’m doing…kinda.” The blonde replied. “Just want to be sure I’m one hundred percent correct.”

“Ugh, what would you do without me?” The curly haired boy asked sarcastically.

“I probably wouldn’t be as happy as I am now that’s for damn sure.” Nick quickly responded.

“Same here. I love spending all my time with you.” Jasper added. “Well anyways, let’s get this over with before you decide to change you mind.”

“Yeah, let’s get on with it.” He stated, taking the hair dye out the bag.

“Do your brothers know about this?” The other wondered.

“Nope, not at all. Had Laura drive me to the hair place and help pick out the color. It’s gonna be a surprise.” Nick claimed.

“Alright, first we got to section your hair.” Jasper confirmed. “Sit in the chair.”

“Wow, what are you? A hair stylist now?” The blonde teased, almost amused.

“Well, I know how to do hair. I’ve dyed my own hair many times so I know from experience.” He confirmed. “Now sit down in the chair I brought in here for you.”

Nick sits down and Jasper immediately gets to work with parting his hair. The bottom, mid-section, and his bands out. Most of his bangs were clipped to the side, a small part actually out. Jasper puts latex gloves on mixes the dye before applying it to the small part of bangs out. He then foils it before bringing out another small section of his bangs, repeating the process and taking the last section of his hands out of the clip. Afterwards, he clips sections on his mid-section, redoing everything and doing the exact thing with the bottom of his hair. Making sure he got all of his hair, he goes over a few parts and setting a timer after.

“Okay, let’s wait thirty minutes and we’ll check it and we’ll decide what to do from there.” Jasper suggested.

“Alright, seems good.” Nick replied. “What do you want to do until then?”

“It don’t matter. We can watch a movie, thought I don’t think you wanna be on your bed with unprocessed hair dye in your hair.” The tan skinned boy said.

“Yeah…” The taller boy trailed off. “I think I got an idea.” He smiled, running his fingers in Jasper’s hair. “How about I do your hair?”

“Yeah, sure. Just don’t brush it out because…”

“…Because it’ll make your hair frizzing and “ugly” and you’ll have to get a shower to fix it.” Nick interrupted.

Jasper smiled. “You know me so well.” He leans in for a kiss, their lips melting together in harmony before pulling away.

“Hell yeah I do.”

Nick gets up, instructing Jasper to sit in the chair. He grabs a chunk of his hair, twisting it around his finger playfully before taking a rubber band and tying it up on his head, then evening it out on the other side; giving the boy pig tails. Nick quickly takes his phone out, taking a few pictures (and not forgetting to do a point five) before letting Jasper see.

“Is that really all you wanted to do?” He giggled.

“Maybe. Thought you’d look cute.” Nick smirked.

They waited the rest of the time out, talking and kissing until the timer went off. Nick gets back into the chair and Jasper takes part of the foil off on the first strip he did and making sure it was okay with Nick. They decided to wait another fifteen minutes, and when Nick agreed that it was the color he wanted, the rinsed the color out in the shower. Nick just standing there shirtless as Jasper helped shampoo his hair and making sure it was good before applying leave in conditioner. They blow dry and brush his hair and making it his usual hair style before showing Chris and Matt. Turns out, they loved it. And they spent the rest of the night taking pictures and making tiktoks before relaxing for the rest of the night.

[cruesuffix]

adding onto my streamer au…here’s something!

“Vince’s Gossip Corner: gossiping about the band addition!”

Vince’s room for the most part is dark, bar the pink LED lights he always uses. The man of the hour is off camera, rummaging around for a couple of things. There’s already a flood of comments coming in. It’s clear they’re all excited for another edition of Vince’s well beloved livestreams. It had been a month since Vince got himself a twitch account. The rest of the band had been pestering him to make an account.

Apparently they couldn’t call themselves the “emo hype house” if one of the members didn’t have a twitch or youtube channel. It didn’t really make much sense to him, but just to appease the guys (and get them off his back a bit) he made one. He didn’t know what to do at first, he wasn’t as good at playing video games like Mick was, and he didn’t want to just react to videos like Nikki and Tommy did. Some of the fans simply suggested he do whatever interested him. There were only two things that interested Vince: makeup and gossip.

So here he was now, combining the two in a segment he liked to call “Vince’s Gossip Corner.” He only ever streamed on Thursdays, probably because that was the only time he wasn’t busy doing other cooler things. Vince walked into the camera view, holding a bunch of makeup products in his arms. He smiled at the camera and sat down.

“Welcome losers! We’re back again for another edition of Gossip Corner! We have a lot to talk about, but before we get into that, I’d like to show you the look we’re going to be attempting today.” He greeted the audience, right before shoving his phone into the camera.

After a minute of trying to focus on his phone, a picture appeared clear as day. It was a closeup of a 1920’s film star in glam makeup. The comments erupted with skepticism, everyone was sure Vince wouldn’t be able to pull off the look.

glamkitty88: oh this is…

vincesgurl: you would EAT this look ong

poppy: you still have time to reconsider girliepop

“Ok I know this looks a bit complicated, but i could totally do it! Let’s be a bit more positive in the chat please.”

Throwing on a headband to get his bangs out of the way, Vince started by priming his face. Occasionally, in order to keep his fans engaged, he’d read out comments and answer questions.

“‘What’s Nikki doing today?’ ummm…I’m not sure…I think he said something about washing Mick’s hair on stream later today? I have no idea why though, I’ll probably pop into his stream later and see.” He answered a viewers question. It only fuels silly comments about those two.

“Guys wow, you gotta stop this!” He says in between giggles. “You guys are so weird!” He referred to a nikkimick shippers comments.

“Ok, ok, anyways…today I wanted to just be silly and gossip a bit with you guys, but this time I wanna talk about the band! I never talk about them on my streams, and I think they think they’re safe…well they aren’t!” He announced, bringing the attention back to the topic at hand.

“They’ve been real moronic lately I’m not gonna lie to you guys…who here say Mick’s last stream? He literally fell asleep on camera! It was so funny, I’m so happy I saw it live this time.”

micksgf: dude that was so funny! i literally gifted five subs to see if my message could wake him up and nothing happened!

yoongles: wait is he doing another moldy stream this week? i always miss it! :(

guitarhxro: i’m going to ask him to play guitar when he’s like that and see what happens!

fivealive: omg i was there!! didn’t nikki have to call him just to wake him up? that was gold!

joeyxmokey: you should have seen his face when he realized he was streaming it! i screenrecorded the whole thing if anyone wants to see it!

“Guys no but like I hate when he does those streams…cause I’m never there to see them! I literally always miss them and I keep telling Tommy to record a stream for me and he never does!” Vince whined as he dabbed some foundation on his face. The shade was noticeably too light for his complexion. Nobody said anything.

“These jerks don’t even think about me! Like I wanna watch those streams and I get nothing. He’s so hilarious when he’s like that though, you guys should see what he does off camera!” Vince continued, throwing in a little tease to the fans, who reacted appropriately.

davidmustardstain: ong vince you better release the footage

mimisworld: FILM HIM

kurtnovain: bros always saying stuff like this…just film him bro it ain’t that hard!

“Anyways, anyone else hear the news about Nikki?” Vince shrugged, changing the subject.

nikkisgirl: omg what?

nikkimyboo: i think i heard something about him and vanity…pls don’t let it be true!!

publikenemy: i don’t even know if i wanna know now!

“Well, last night Nikki told me…what’s her name? Umm…the crazy little black chick he’s always hanging around?”

merrygodown: vanity!!

“Oh,” Vince laughed, squinting at the name on the screen. “Thanks merry go down, yeah Vanity…well, and you didn’t hear this from me, but Nikki told me she proposed to him last night!”

nikkisgirl: NO

nikkisgirl: SAY SIKE PLS

yoongles: oh that’s not-

321beep: i’m going to kay em ess if this is true

nikkismyboo: does that mean i have to change my name now?

micksgf: brother euuughh

guitarhxro: oh but she’s not even that cute like that’s cringe ngl

Vince laughed as he read the comments. He was so amused by all the people badmouthing Vanity. He wondered if they knew none of them ever had a chance with Nikki in the first place.

micksgf: well at least mickey poo is single

“EWWW MICKS GIRLFRIEND WHAT ARE YOU EVEN TALKING ABOUT?!” Vince erupted in laughter at the comment. He screenshot the comment to show Mick later on.

He took a chance at quickly glancing at the viewfinder. He gasped at what he saw. He was pure white.

“Guys seriously? Why did no one tell me i look like a damn ghost in here?” he exclaimed, trying to blend everything out. obviously he was still pale white. He wondered if this shade would match Mick’s skin tone. He made a mental note to try it out on him tomorrow.

Meanwhile the comments were still reeling from his previous revelation.

publikenemy: yo vince you gonna tell us the truth??

yoongles: stop deflecting ho!!

321beep: no one cares about the foundation!!

kurtnovain: gay boy what’s the deal with nikki just tell us!!

“Ok first of all, don’t call me gay boy! Second of all, i told you already, Vanity tried to propose to Nikki…and he said yes! Yep that’s right jealous bitches Nikki ain’t yours no more so go cry to ya mama and stop annoying me about it!” Vince revealed, clapping his hands.

nikkisgirl: ONG I CANT DO THIS ANYMORE

wildgirl69: what no

nikkismyboo: what if this was my thirteenth reason?

The reactions were eye roll worthy, but Vince simply went back to dabbing concealer under his eyes and over any blemishes.

“Anyways… oh guys did you know one of Tommy’s girls got him a dirt bike? It’s literally outside our house right now and i wanna ride it so bad. I’m waiting for Tommy to leave so I can take it out for a spin. Literally I’m so jealous, my girl never gets me anything.” Vince lamented.

heavensdemons: aye if you don’t want her i’ll take her :)

“nuh uh mods ban that ho! No one makes jokes about stealing my girl in front of me! Evil behaviour…didn’t your parents ever teach ya some manners? Anyways…oh you’ll never believe who was at the store the other day. Axl Rose, just at the store buying Chex Mix right in front of me! I would have never pegged him as a cereal kind of guy, he kinda looks like he just wakes up and doesn’t eat anything…like just puts on clothes and just walks out the door. Like Tommy, that guy doesn’t eat a thing! Wait…ok umm, how am i going to do these eyebrows though? skinny like an anor- wait am i allowed to make that joke?”

bestiewestie: oh vince…

nikkisgirl: not cool dude!

mimisworld: vince gon get cancelled for the fifth time this week!

guitarhxro: bro thought he cooked with that one

“No guys wait, i love all my anorexic fans! y’all are cool hope you get better or something!”

micksgf: dodged a bullet!

nikkismyboo: where’s your ukulele?!

bbgirl: apology video with tears NOW

Vince tried hard to stifle a laugh as he moved on to contour. He wasn’t really sure what he should contour since the girl in the photo didn’t seem to have any on. With a shrug, he simply put it where he always did, his nose and cheekbones. Before he could say anything else, his phone rang. Looking down, he laughed as soon as he saw the contact name.

“Guys wait, it’s Mick! I’m putting him on speaker.”

Holding the phone up to his mic, he answered it.

Vince: “What up?”

Mick: Hey man…uhhh, I think I lost my keys, can you open the door?”

Mick sounded just a bit wasted, which only amused Vince more.

Vince: “Where were you?”

Mick: “Nunya, now open the door dipshit!”

Vince: Hey you’re on speaker, be nice!”

Mick: “I’m what? Are you doing a stream?”

Vince: “Yep!”

Mick: “Oh cool.”

Mick raised his voice so the audience could hear him clearly.

Mick: “Hey, uh, if anyones getting bored by this fruity ass livestream I’m doing a stream myself soon so come over to my channel: 1313mars if you want to see me…do something I guess, I don’t know.”

Vince pulled the phone away from the mic a bit.

Vince: “Dude stop plugging your shit on my channel!”

Mick: “Can you just hurry up and get your ass over here, I’m cold as hell out here.”

Vince: “Don’t you have a jacket?”

Mick: “I didn’t bring it cause i thought it wasn’t gonna be cold.”

Vince: “Were you at Jack’s place again?”

Mick: “Yeah…I- wait I’m not trying to have a conversation with you right now, I need you to open. the. door!”

“I would…but i’m busy! Ask Nikki!” Vince cheerfully replied. He could hear Mick start to curse him out but quickly hung up on him before a word could be made out. The last thing he needed was a channel violation notice.

“I’m telling you guys from now, if he starts a Moldy Stream tonight i’m ditching you guys.” Vince announced.

gulphoe: bffr we’d leave your ass before you could!

micksgf: sorry vinnie i’m leaving as soon as i get the notif

kingtommyland: don’t do the eyebrows it’s going to make you look bad!

“Whatever you losers! Do you think Nikki let him in yet?”

mimisworld: i’ve been watching both yours and nikki’s stream and he just got up and left!

micksgf: WAIT MICKS IN NIKKIS ROOM MY BESTIE JUST SENT ME A SCREENSHOT!!

rightriot: lmaoo vince he’s tearing you up on nikki’s stream rn

kiki: he just called you a carpet muncher…you gon let that slide?

“A what? girl i’m not a lesbian what’s he talking about?”

wildgirl69: he’s beating your ass in the stream lmaoo

“What’s he saying?”

kirikiribonito: he called you gay and said he doesn’t like watching your fruity little livestreams!

Vince scoffed.

“Nobody’s forcing him to watch!”

midnightbarber: he said you look like the ghost of christmas past if it just got run over by a porsche

“GHOSTS CAN’T GET RUN OVER BY CARS!” Vince yelled out. Mick’s voice could be heard even in the background.

“THEN WHY DO YOU LOOK LIKE THAT, CASPER?!”

Vince gasped, he looked at the camera as if the audience could help him.

“Motherfucker just called me Casper…I’m going to destroy all his streaming equipment, I’d like to see what he does then.”

bbgirl: you ain’t gonna do shit!!

Before he could answer, a notification popped up on Vince’s phone.

“New Notification: 1313mars started a livestream “vimce niel neds to jmp of a brdge!1!1!”

Vince squinted at the notification and grinned. His viewer count was slowly going down as everyone moved onto the “better” stream of the night. He looked up at the camera.

“Sorry losers I suddenly have something better to do now, I gotta go, but I’ll be back next Thursday…on the dot. Oh, and Mick I know you ain’t watching but I’m going to destroy you…just you wait.”

wildgirl69: he really thought he ate with that one

micksgf: CRINGE

Vince quickly turns off the stream and his camera, heading over to Mick’s stream which was barely a minute in.